February 2012

Keeping with the theme of Anna Nicole Smith being the most important news of the year, I present to you two important video clips (and free Marxist rub down to whoever can figure out what drugs she’s on — and Jesus is not an acceptable answer):

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The Article: An excellent article in New York magazine by Isaiah Wilner detailing the rise and fall of 27th Street.

Choice bits (since the article is long, read it at the New Yorker website):

Nightclubs were big business now. If you carried a black AmEx card, you could count on getting in, somewhere. “Bottle service—it was a killer,” one club worker recalls. “Because now you didn’t have to look right to get in. The owners didn’t care about the quality of the crowd. The bottom line was the money. It was, Sell those tables, sell those tables, up-sell, magnums, bottle minimums. And you now had—forgive me for saying it—every undesirable seated in a nightclub.”

The same summer, B.E.D., which had opened in January on the sixth floor, debuted its rooftop lounge. “That’s when all the bridge-and-tunnel guys came in,” a 27th Street veteran recalls. “These are the guys who brought the Jersey girls and the short shorts. They mobbed the whole street. And then, when you walked to Bungalow, you saw seven trashy blonde chicks standing outside begging to be let in, and guess what? It takes away from the atmosphere.”

By the summer of 2006, the street crawled with people—forcing the police to barricade both ends. Masses of visored men in bright T-shirts stumbled through, smoking joints, carrying plastic cups, urinating on the walls. Thin girls toddled out in spike heels. It was a boozy Cancún North. People threw up in front of buildings and on their clothes; turned away at the door, they spat at the doormen. “We’d find people passed out in the bathroom,” recalls a former employee of B.E.D. “You would think it was a dead body. Passed out, like scary passed out, like smack them, pick them up, they’re like Jell-O, like someone took their spine out. And on the street. You would literally see people face down in the gutter.”

And the keeper:

“It’s not about who you know, it’s how you carry yourself,” says one visibly excited man, tonguing his teeth and working his jaw as he strides with his friend toward the bar in back. “I’m the guy that walked in, said ‘hi,’ paid for my drinks, did my blow in the bathroom, and came out smiling. They respect me for it.”

The importance: Not much frankly, except for the lesson of keeping people from New Jersey out of your club if you want it not to be a cesspool of disgusting human beings.

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Holy shit did anyone happen to be watching fox news last night. I caught the 1/2 hour news hour and it blew my mind. The show, first off, is a blatant ripoff of the shows like The Daily Show, Weekend Update, and other such shows. But those shows appear on Comedy Central and Saturday Night Live. This was on Fox News…. Can you think of any other comedy show on any other news network? Secondly, every joke contained obvious political undertones and even the “irony” was lost from the intended sarcasm because the conservative agenda could be seen a mile away. The subject of the entirety of the jokes and trash-talking included electric cars, hybrid and biodiesel technology, a fictional account of ed begley jr getting arrested and raped by gangs in jail, everyone in hollywood, doctor-patient confidentiality, global warming, freedom of speech, Barak Obama, ACLU related civil rights amendments, essentially anyone and everything that doesn’t embody what FOX represents. I find it insulting that Fox feels the need to fund and air a show like this on their own news channel and act as though they don’t hide political agendas in their news broadcasting. The show laid out several well structured logical arguments which I thought were well put and totally agreed with… bizarre thing was that they played a laugh track at the end of it. Those were when the supreme court opinions were being explained.

Heres a link so you can investigate further.

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Some of Mike Tyson’s greatest hits, in and out of the ring, including my personal favorite (and more after the video):

All praise is to Allah, I’ll fight any man, any animal, if Jesus were here I’d fight him too.

“[He] called me a ‘rapist’ and a ‘recluse.’ I’m not a recluse.”

“I paid a worker at New York’s zoo to re-open it just for me and Robin. When we got to the gorilla cage there was 1 big silverback gorilla there just bullying all the other gorillas. They were so powerful but their eyes were like an innocent infant. I offered the attendant $10,000 to open the cage and let smash that silverback’s snotbox! He declined.”

“I’m just like you. I enjoy the forbidden fruits in life, too. I think it’s un-American not to go out with a woman, not to be with a beautiful woman, not to get my dick sucked … It’s just what I said before, everybody in this country is a big fucking liar. [The media] tells people … that this person did this and this person did that and then we find out that were just human and we find out that Michael Jordan cheats on his wife just like everybody else and that we all cheat on our fucking wife in one way or another either emotionally, physically or sexually or one way.”

“I feel like sometimes that I was born, that I’m not meant for this society because everyone here is a fucking hypocrite. Everybody says they believe in God but they don’t do God’s work. Everybody counteracts what God is really about. If Jesus was here, do you think Jesus would show me any love? Do you think Jesus would love me? I’m a Muslim, but do you think Jesus would love me … I think Jesus would have a drink with me and discuss … why you acting like that? Now, he would be cool. He would talk to me. No Christian ever did that and said in the name of Jesus even … They’d throw me in jail and write bad articles about me and then go to church on Sunday and say Jesus is a wonderful man and he’s coming back to save us. But they don’t understand that when he comes back, that these crazy greedy capitalistic men are gonna kill him again.”

“Well, [contemplating suicide] goes through everyone’s mind, I’m sure. And if it doesn’t I really must be crazy. Everyone thinks about that because sometimes, you know what I mean, it’s just tough being a ni**er and it’s tough being a bad ni**er.”

“The one thing I know, everyone respects the true person and everyone’s not true with themselves. All of these people who are heroes, these guys who have been lily white and clean all their lives, if they went through what I went through, they would commit suicide. They don’t have the heart that I have. I’ve lived places they can’t defecate in.”

“I’m just a dark guy from a den of iniquity. A dark shadowy figure from the bowels of iniquity. I wish I could be Mike who gets an endorsement deal. But you can’t make a lie and a truth go together. This country wasn’t built on moral fiber. This country was built on rape, slavery, murder, degradation and affiliation with crime.”

And the runner up (and Tyson may be getting gay with Mr. T, by the way):

“You’re sweet. I’m going to make sure you kiss me good with those big lips. I’m gonna make you my girlfriend.”

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In light of John Amaechi, a former NBA player who recently came out of the closet, Timmy Hardaway decided to grace us with his intelligent comments de jour stating frankly that “You know, I hate gay people, so I let it be known,” Hardaway said. “I don’t like gay people and I don’t like to be around gay people. I am homophobic. I don’t like it. It shouldn’t be in the world or in the United States.” Since gay-bashing is sooooooo 2004, you’d expect the denunciations to be fast and furious.

Wrong! Chris Broussard at ESPN was one of the first to post of the situation on his blog, prominently linked to on the front page of ESPN.com. In a post entitled “My take on John Amaechi”, Broussard details that while he dislikes gays because they are sinning, he is still friends with them! Isn’t that sweet! You see, I’m in a similar predicament: I absolutely HATE Mexicans, but I’m friends with the Spangliphone who serves me my extra grande burrito at Chipotle. This makes my judgment of others ok, because if I hate someone for their race, creed, or sexuality but still am BFF with them (best friends forever, of course), guess what that makes me? The sweetest and most understanding bigot on the block.

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