Obama can put his hands on my economic approach any time he wants. I’m getting hard just thinking about it. What? I can’t believe it’s not butter, it’s crack-cocaine!

How deep is your love for me, Pakistan? How deep will you involve yourself inside my heart before I burst? I can’t stand it anymore I think I’ll just scream, haha hahaha. Some how it only comes out in teary, smiley laughs. Do you even believe in this anymore?

Piracy is up, does that mean global warming is finally receding? Yarr, shiver me timbers! It’s fucking cold! I hope this means the end is near. I’ve been waiting patiently for so long, not as long as my parents though. God, get it over with! Don’t you know that

What could be better than pictures of kids crying thanks to Santa Claus?

Gawker does it again! They made me laugh, this time by asking questions of the Real World kids that are ridiculously inappropriate. For example:

4. To the cast: Have you read Joseph O’Neill’s new novel Netherland yet? If so, do you agree with New Yorker critic James Wood’s assessment that it is “perhaps one of the most important post-colonial novels of our time”

Beeteedubs, I saw the Real World cast on Halloween. One of them was dressed like Heath Ledger, with a clearly pro makeup job. It was really well done. That’s the closest I’ve ever been to celebrity, except the time I was eating a Cinnabon outside the Ronald Regan Building when Hillary came out. Yes, to think the then first lady saw me with sticky, goopy hands. An adolescent fantasy come true, I can tell you that much.

Apparently humans have been polluting the shit out of the ocean, and not just with Garbage Patches. (BTW there is a Garbage Pail Kids CCG). Apparently humans have been making too much damn noise, and the creatures of the sea are sick of it. Don’t those damn kids know that whales need to get up early to eat plankton?

Unless people want to kill Free Willy they should turn off their loud hippity-hoppin and metal music, and put on some smooth jazz. Sea animals are really into Kenny G. I know I am at least, and I have enough crabs to be at least an honorary member of the ocean. Turn it down people!

That Stephen King likes both Girl Talk and Buckcherry. What do you Internauts like to listen to?

Here’s my top ten albums of 2008 in no particular order:
Vampire Weekend
The Dodos
Rhianna
The Cure

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/11/29/AR2008112902045.html?hpid=topnews&sub=AR

How’s a squirrel to eat if there aren’t any motherfucking acorns? Watch out for killer squirrels is all I’m trying to say. First bees, and now acorns. Mother Nature is fucking weird.