In light of Facebook disabling my account for using an alias, I had to switch my account to my real name — Alec Baldwin! This has meant new “who are you” messages, but in a recent development, one of the odder messages I’ve ever received:

Um, if you’re thee A.B., then I have something to say: As a Lobbyist for a conservative thinktank in Washington, DC, your personal passion for all things unpatriotic and unAmerican is the biggest turnoff to me…and I want to dislike you…BUT…you are such a talented actor…not to mention a very, VERY sexy man…that I cannot help but hate to love you. Thank you for making my Thursday nights on 30 Rock, baby. Please, just stop the political rants–as ignorance is not your best feature–however, your eyes, hair, smile and quick witted banter are….just abosolutely sublime.

So, may I be your token conservative friend?

If this is not thee A.B.– get a life and claim it as your own. There’s simply no need to pretend you are a misguided liberal with brilliant, comedic timing.

The self-described uber-conservative and culture-warrior turned actor-stalker is Julie Neff, a Liberty University graduate and a lobbyist for CWA (Concerned Women for America). The CWA is an organization that helps “people focus on six core issues, which we have determined need Biblical principles most and where we can have the greatest impact. At its root, each of these issues is a battle over worldviews.” Biblical inspiration, of course, amounts to preventing homosexuals from having civil rights, making sure abortions are only available to minorities and infidels, and encoding all of their video samples into an unheard of and unplayable Windows Media format. Oh, and also railing against network broadcast shows for talking about getting laid and other perverted things that baby Jesus doesn’t approve of and forewarning girls about the ‘transformation zone’, aka the vagina (what the fuck is a transformation zone??).

The point is that the internet is weird and is now being populated with Christians, even though the Bible strictly forbids science, technology, and other forms of wizardry. With that being said, get your heathen ass over to facebook and add me as a friend: