this is not what i signed up for

this is not what i signed up for. i thought things would be bigger and better. all i got was a regression. i do not want my present to my past; i am not enticed or entertained by the escapism of others to relive previous times.

i am not 16 or 17 years old. and i am not entertained by people my age that act like i did when i was 16 or 17. and i do not like being reminded of others i care about in their age of acting like i did. thats not what treason means, but thats what i think it should be. treason is betraying your feelings in the future by blowing it in the present. i guess the worst part of seriously caring about someone else is it trivializes the present and guilts the past. it is one thing to be ambushed by one’s personality, but by one’s history…

one minute moments, little fragments of memory that make you think everything can be like that forever. black out the friction and drown yourself in nostalgia. but thats the problem with missing someone. We would have, could have, and should have. You miss the moment, and you miss it forever.

you are a collaborator in your worst nightmare: your own life. welcome to the self-capitulation.


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