Now I know what everyone is thinking: Great, there’s 32 dead American’s at Virginia Tech now because of some crazy Korean guy, but now, who do I blame it on and where do I transfer all of my lovely hate into something completely negative? Of course there is the usual suspects with the corresponding solutions: Godlessness cured with Bibles under everyone’s asses, foreigners who smell and look funny solved by mass deportations, hippity-hoppity and black culture in general solved by long trousers and correct grammar, violent video games and TV shows smothered with chastity belts and friendly games of UNO, guns and the monkeys who shoot and sell them, and of course Muslims, always the Muslims with their damn Moo-ham-eed and their damn praying. The summation is pretty simple: in a world of instant punditry, not much long term thought goes into proposed policy change when it hinges on knee jerk reactions. And this is where I step in, link-free and full of the most intelligent thinking 48 hours of hindsight can provide:
Let’s kill Koreans, bathe in their blood, and sell them to the Chinese as dog food.
Now, I know your immediate reaction will be all stifled by politically ‘correct’ thinking. ‘Oh that’s so insensitive, you know all they eat is dog meat and Pokemon soup’ — well you’re wrong, they also eat lots of cabbage and I’m guessing calculators. But think about this in the long term: what if there is another Korean anomaly (the first sign should have been that he wasn’t studying computer science or math) who decides he wants to write crazy plays and then act out his crazy plays by shooting beautiful white children in the face? Do you want to have that blood on your hand, because you, dear reader, were held back by a bunch of outdated liberal ideas of ‘integration’, ‘assimilation’, and ‘freedom from being killed and served to the Chinese as dog food’? No, you don’t want that blood on your hand, because American blood is like holy water and it will sting the nostrils and heart from the stench of spilled freedom. And Jesus WILL make your next child a homosexual if you disobey him and I will not allow him or his domestic partner equal access to health care because I’m uncomfortable with the idea of a penis in a butthole!
Onto the logistics. First you may wonder, how will we deal with all the 2 million Koreans in the United States who provide us valuable services such as laundry mats, convenience stores, laundry mats with adjacent/adjoining convenience stores, and Chinese restaurants. As Michelle Malkin would think, we would have to round them up first. What we could offer is a national Pokemon and Dance Dance Revolution competition, at which point we would subdue all 2 million with free Nintendo DS’es and abacuses.
Then it’s off to the meat factory! But why would we sell Koreans as pet food to the Chinese? Well, its simple really: the Chinese screwed us with their polluted and poisoned pet food, killing off millions of dependents for untold millions of American spinsters and freaks, so we’re going to pay them back the only way we know how. With pet food made of dead Koreans.
Of course, there’s a lot of holes in this idea, and I welcome you, WELL-INFORMED AMERICAN JOE PUBLIC, to help me fill in the gaps. And by the way, thanks to all like me who’ve kept a cool head through all of this, because nothing says rational like comparing your tragedy to 9/11.
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very good idea:)
I’m ashamed there are Americans like you.
Yah, you’re disgusting Dylan. I can’t believe there are people like you. You freak. Go eat some Korean dog food and get hepatitis C.
ppretty damn cool.
ppretty damn cool. AN dutterly reasonable.
And totally feasable. I just need a few pick up trucks, a gift certificate to Best Buy, and maybe some chicken feed.
FUCK ALL OF YOU!!!
ass! -0-
i love korean
calculators! pokemon soup!
pokemon soup is a national tradition in celebrating the Poet Laurette of South Korea
Deport all them!
You are a complete and utterly irresponsible asshole.
You’re just mad that Asians are smarter than you.
Correction “Mehamo” (which I’m pretty sure is a racist term for a Muhammaden), Asians are not smarter than me. They are better at me at mental math, working as human assembly lines to create various name brand textiles, and at making seizure-inducing cartoons. I’d suggest that we put you in the meat grinder for future consumption by Chinese pets (which are cho-cho’s and Vietnamese children, if you’re interested), but I bet your meat is too tough and dense due to the lack of understanding of ’sarcasm’ or ‘humor’.
[...] ?mind-blowing site now appraise this assignment http://www.prosebeforehos.com/alec/04/18/a-modest-proposal-lets-kill-all-the-koreans-and-sell-them-a... and give comments [...]
KOREANS AND CHINA SHOULD ALL DIE , GET SKINNED ALIVE,BLOW TORCHED, HANGED AND BEATED . THEN LEFT IN A TRUCK TO DIE .. HAVE A TASTE OF THERE OWN TORCHURE I JARE THEM COWARDLY MOTHER FUKERS .,.
http://www.animalsaviors.org/index.html <—- IS THIS RIGHT ? IS THIS FUKING NORMAL .. SHOULD THIS SHIT BE ALOWD TO CONTINUE ? .. SLANT EYED FUKERS :@@@@@
This was pretty funny. I’m korean myself and reading this made my day. I don’t get what pokemon soup is. Mind explaining?
Also to DIE, dog eating is illegal in Korea. People secretly sell them in the local markets. 99% of koreans don’t like the idea of eating dogs even if they are abundant. I myself think eating dog is harsh.
We ‘jare’ you too. ^_^ I think reading your bad spelling (and total failure to post an intelligent response in the English language) was enough ‘torchure’ for me today. Even worse than being ‘beated’!
This person that wrote so much deraugatory sentiment against koreans. He doesn’t seem to know that one of the victims during that tragedy was a “gook” too. plus, this guys just wants attention.
yeah take it to them’ show them how much of an dumbass you are and make america an worst place to live… if you dont like it do something about it
i was wondering if “A Modest Proposal” was outdated…and judging by the comments it must be.
kill an ass hole like you would make the world a better place to live.
awesome