A Modest Proposal: Let’s Kill All the Koreans and Sell Them As Pet Food to the Chinese

Now I know what everyone is thinking: Great, there’s 32 dead American’s at Virginia Tech now because of some crazy Korean guy, but now, who do I blame it on and where do I transfer all of my lovely hate into something completely negative? Of course there is the usual suspects with the corresponding solutions: Godlessness cured with Bibles under everyone’s asses, foreigners who smell and look funny solved by mass deportations, hippity-hoppity and black culture in general solved by long trousers and correct grammar, violent video games and TV shows smothered with chastity belts and friendly games of UNO, guns and the monkeys who shoot and sell them, and of course Muslims, always the Muslims with their damn Moo-ham-eed and their damn praying. The summation is pretty simple: in a world of instant punditry, not much long term thought goes into proposed policy change when it hinges on knee jerk reactions. And this is where I step in, link-free and full of the most intelligent thinking 48 hours of hindsight can provide:

Let’s kill Koreans, bathe in their blood, and sell them to the Chinese as dog food.

Now, I know your immediate reaction will be all stifled by politically ‘correct’ thinking. ‘Oh that’s so insensitive, you know all they eat is dog meat and Pokemon soup’ — well you’re wrong, they also eat lots of cabbage and I’m guessing calculators. But think about this in the long term: what if there is another Korean anomaly (the first sign should have been that he wasn’t studying computer science or math) who decides he wants to write crazy plays and then act out his crazy plays by shooting beautiful white children in the face? Do you want to have that blood on your hand, because you, dear reader, were held back by a bunch of outdated liberal ideas of ‘integration’, ‘assimilation’, and ‘freedom from being killed and served to the Chinese as dog food’? No, you don’t want that blood on your hand, because American blood is like holy water and it will sting the nostrils and heart from the stench of spilled freedom. And Jesus WILL make your next child a homosexual if you disobey him and I will not allow him or his domestic partner equal access to health care because I’m uncomfortable with the idea of a penis in a butthole!

Onto the logistics. First you may wonder, how will we deal with all the 2 million Koreans in the United States who provide us valuable services such as laundry mats, convenience stores, laundry mats with adjacent/adjoining convenience stores, and Chinese restaurants. As Michelle Malkin would think, we would have to round them up first. What we could offer is a national Pokemon and Dance Dance Revolution competition, at which point we would subdue all 2 million with free Nintendo DS’es and abacuses.

Then it’s off to the meat factory! But why would we sell Koreans as pet food to the Chinese? Well, its simple really: the Chinese screwed us with their polluted and poisoned pet food, killing off millions of dependents for untold millions of American spinsters and freaks, so we’re going to pay them back the only way we know how. With pet food made of dead Koreans.

Of course, there’s a lot of holes in this idea, and I welcome you, WELL-INFORMED AMERICAN JOE PUBLIC, to help me fill in the gaps. And by the way, thanks to all like me who’ve kept a cool head through all of this, because nothing says rational like comparing your tragedy to 9/11.

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  1. dylan says:

    very good idea:)

  2. J says:

    I’m ashamed there are Americans like you.

  3. alec says:

    Yah, you’re disgusting Dylan. I can’t believe there are people like you. You freak. Go eat some Korean dog food and get hepatitis C.

  4. Anonymous says:

    ppretty damn cool.

  5. Anonymous says:

    ppretty damn cool. AN dutterly reasonable.

  6. alec says:

    And totally feasable. I just need a few pick up trucks, a gift certificate to Best Buy, and maybe some chicken feed.

  7. FUCK U! says:

    FUCK ALL OF YOU!!!

  8. Z-Jay says:

    ass! -0-

    i love korean

  9. kristenking! says:

    calculators! pokemon soup!

  10. alec says:

    pokemon soup is a national tradition in celebrating the Poet Laurette of South Korea

  11. Anonymous says:

    Deport all them!

  12. Mehamo says:

    You are a complete and utterly irresponsible asshole.

    You’re just mad that Asians are smarter than you.

  13. alec says:

    Correction “Mehamo” (which I’m pretty sure is a racist term for a Muhammaden), Asians are not smarter than me. They are better at me at mental math, working as human assembly lines to create various name brand textiles, and at making seizure-inducing cartoons. I’d suggest that we put you in the meat grinder for future consumption by Chinese pets (which are cho-cho’s and Vietnamese children, if you’re interested), but I bet your meat is too tough and dense due to the lack of understanding of ‘sarcasm’ or ‘humor’.

  14. DIE says:

    KOREANS AND CHINA SHOULD ALL DIE , GET SKINNED ALIVE,BLOW TORCHED, HANGED AND BEATED . THEN LEFT IN A TRUCK TO DIE .. HAVE A TASTE OF THERE OWN TORCHURE I JARE THEM COWARDLY MOTHER FUKERS .,.

    http://www.animalsaviors.org/index.html <—- IS THIS RIGHT ? IS THIS FUKING NORMAL .. SHOULD THIS SHIT BE ALOWD TO CONTINUE ? .. SLANT EYED FUKERS :@@@@@

  15. James says:

    This was pretty funny. I’m korean myself and reading this made my day. I don’t get what pokemon soup is. Mind explaining?

  16. James says:

    Also to DIE, dog eating is illegal in Korea. People secretly sell them in the local markets. 99% of koreans don’t like the idea of eating dogs even if they are abundant. I myself think eating dog is harsh.

  17. Junie! says:

    We ‘jare’ you too. ^_^ I think reading your bad spelling (and total failure to post an intelligent response in the English language) was enough ‘torchure’ for me today. Even worse than being ‘beated’!

  18. Doug says:

    This person that wrote so much deraugatory sentiment against koreans. He doesn’t seem to know that one of the victims during that tragedy was a “gook” too. plus, this guys just wants attention.

  19. KKK says:

    yeah take it to them’ show them how much of an dumbass you are and make america an worst place to live… if you dont like it do something about it

  20. jen says:

    i was wondering if “A Modest Proposal” was outdated…and judging by the comments it must be.

  21. Anonymous says:

    kill an ass hole like you would make the world a better place to live.

  22. crap says:

    awesome

  23. ihatekoreans says:

    i am a korean… but i hate koreans!!! my country’s people are f***ing racists and they are very rude!!! also they are firm beleievers of lookism. they hire people because of their looks! i would call this proposal a “proposal of a hero”

  24. Baek says:

    There were 33 dead, with the killer committing suicide, but I guess a guy like you would mistake 3 for 2 in some weird stretching of physics. I don’t know whether everyone should be ashamed or cry that there are people like you living on this mud-ball.
    Unless I’m mistaken, an American was responsible for the chemical pollution of the Han river in Seoul, where at least one fourth of South Korea’s population lives. You wouldn’t believe the numbers of illnesses and diseases – the Han river is one of the biggest sources of water in Seoul. And yet you rage more over the lost screws in a Korean’s mind that led him to murder 32 people and himself.

  25. karla coronel says:

    Not all Koreans are evil but I do think that the ones who torture animals and kill animals by skinning them alive for fur trade should die because they’re giving these animals a hard life and just taking it away as if they had no feelings :/

    • deleema asia says:

      You better say that about 50% of koreans who make many various problems both in korea and U.S. Not the all of them. At least, try to kill anti-usa koreans, some bad koreans in korea and U.S. If U do, I appreciate it. In addition, chinese people don’t like koreans and their bodies. chinese dumped north koreans back into north and south korea.
      north and south korea society is beening fucked up in different ways. Even if I was in south korea, I was so angry about some fucking koreans and shit. In U.S. sometimes, I was thinking kill some koreans in U.S. Chinese?? many(1.5 billion) peoples, 55 groups of peoples? manchu, tibet. etc.
      the last Qing dynasty is not real chinese history(maybe, half of today’s chinese history). it mostly is manchu(japanese occupied at WW2) history. Before Qing, Ming dynasty is real chinese history.
      Chinese, korans and japanese need the war like Europeans did(WW2).
      Probably, today’s power in their each capability….I guess korea will be disappeared. most north and south korean politicians really don’t care about their nation and people. look their law and policy. half of bullshit policy for their people. they are just fucking something nice which is bullshit. most of koreans knew that. it’s very serious. koeans don’t realized it is serious. think about it. I was educated in U.S University and chinese-korean. I speak English, Japanese, Chinese, and koreans

  26. AnonymousAtheist says:

    I’m in 100% agreement.

    I live in a (formerly) American town called Old Tappan in Northern NJ.
    Around 1990 someone on the town council Sold Out and allowed the construction of a multi-acre 100% free Korean Church complex here.

    Within a decade the population went from 1% Oriental to 40% Oriental and CLIMBING!

    Now they put signs up in Gookese, speak that language and refuse to speak or write in English.
    They drive around in SUVs, cause accidents because they’re half blind, and have started a deforestation program where the trees are chopped down and replaced with multi-million dollar McMansions (where they’re ALL KOREAN yuppie assholes!).

    Other towns have been taken over by the Koreans and they continue to grow. They don’t believe in birth control and I see families consisting of half a dozen or more kids (with fat faces, screwed up eyes, and glasses!).

    Their attitude: Learn Korean or get the hell out of OUR TOWNS!

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  60. death incarnate says:

    Usually people just as worthless, waste of precious oxygen and energy retaliate with blind justice. You are nothing in this world. Truly powerful beings make you beat up your Korean nemesis in body bags blindfolded with dog-shaped hammer and they turn out to be your “beautiful white” family. Wicked irony. Be careful what you say mortal. YOUR LIFE CAN END SAME WAY. It only takes another worthless genetically defected shit-smear to rip you apart for fun.

  61. death incarnate says:

    And what would these cowards think, when rounded up by their own race, and be labeled as racist redneck to be executed on premise? What would they think if they were beaten up by local skinhead for “lookin at em funny” and forced watch their wives raped by their own race? Classic fools. Anything can happen to you and your loved ones in any ironic way.

    Believe that.

  62. TheAllSeeingEye says:

    today we live in a world where few and many come far and close between, since the dawn of time we have had endless wars against all factions, we need this war to bring back some of the freedoms we lost in the first 2. i for one am ready for the day they cause there uprising and bomb the united states… for when that time comes its free range on every immigrent in the country. happend with both versions of desert storm. the united states of america should rein is fury on the north korean skum and wipe them all into eroded ecoli ash. for anyone to threaten of nuclear perportions is only reachable from the only country who has ever successfully nuked someone. i give praise to germany And russia i give praise to india and to china. north korea has done nothing been involved in no war and when we went after iraq they shut the fuck up n remained hidden in there darkend portion of the world. i would have them cut from the face of the earth and there land fused into glass and the very mentioning of there heritage or place or even name would be punishable by death, irradicate them from the very essence of time. south korea with them to prevent the mistake from happening. i spew hatred for them because all they have is hate. IF the united states district of defence came knocking on my door i would gladly accept the mission to end this war before it starts… but to the good people of the promise land which our fore fathers and friends and loved ones have fought for… be ready for the war within our own country… as well as we fight a nemesis across the baron sea… they reside in our own country as co workers and neighbours… dont fall for the illusive eye that appears to be watching. we as the people of our country, are our best watchdogs and honorable defenders… and to my people. together we stand. UNITED FOREVER!!!!!

  63. FUCKMOTHER says:

    WHO THE FUCK DO U THINK U ARE U MOTHERFUCKER PIECE OF A SHIT I BEAT UR ASS IF U KOREAN BE PROUD OF IT OR ILL KILL YOU GOT IT? ILL FUCK YO SISTER, MOTHER, GRANDMA, GREAT GRANDMA, ANCESTORS, ANCESTOR OF YO ANCESTOR. but what u say is true so yeah… but still fuck you

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