Dearest Mommy,
If there is one thing I’ve ever wanted out of the numerous gifts this world could give me — love, education, hope — there is one thing I’ve always wanted. It is a Bill O’Reilly jigsaw puzzle.
Oh how fun it would be to complete the puzzle! And if any pieces didn’t fit in the way I liked, I would call them homosexual and far left and then smash them into their place! Take that you lefty loonies!!!
Sincerely yours,
Alec
 I have found my calling |  Things I Don’t Want for Christmas | the war on christmas ctd. | Christmas Gifts |
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PS. Check out this from the site “Be the first in your village to own the exclusive Bill O’Reilly Jigsaw Puzzle.”
It takes a village to raise a child, and years of ignorance and simplicity to make this an alluring tagline for owning a fucking jigsaw puzzle.
Holsom J:
input:
news topics
output:
truth for your nearest village
entr Epreneur: Hahahhahahhahahahhahaha
Holsom J: too bad i boycotted all my village’s merchants now i gotta buy directly from oreily.com
entr Epreneur: hahahha
entr Epreneur: delicious crap
Haha. Yah Jesse you are solely responsible for the Dogma Bot. You can take your credit in either cash or soul deposits. Which do you want?
PS. O’Reilly has a book out for kids.