Dear America,

Dear America,

I think it’s time we sat down and had a discussion. We’ve been in a relationship for many years now, and I think we need to discuss where we are headed as a couple. For quite a while I have worked hard on keeping up this relationship, and I don’t see you giving much back.

Relationships are two way streets built on trust. For the past seven years, I don’t know how you can prove that you’ve trusted me. I have been here for you, and I have done what I could to council you on your problems, but you’ve ignored me, changed the subject, and even accused me of being the problem.

This is not healthy. I know you’ve got powerful friends, and obviously you’ve never held issue with using them to shut me up, but today I am telling you I am sick of it. I have cared for you deeply ever since we met. I have defended you when all your friends were laughing at you behind your back. I kept speaking your praises when all you did was exude opulence and extravagance. What can I say…Love makes you do crazy things.

But I am through. You have abused me, belittled me, insulted me, and drug my name through the mud. I will have no more. I was always that quiet geek that worshiped you from afar and now that I am with you…I feel sick to my stomach. You are not what I expected. You are not what I fell in love with. You are in no way, what I had idealized and defended for all this time.

I am no longer blind and I realize that you are nothing special. In fact, if one wanted to be critical -and considering what a bitch you’ve been; let’s be critical. You’re getting a little fat, you’re fucking stupid as hell and god damn it, can you stop shopping for one minute to have a conversation about something real? Every time I bring up something worth discussing, all you talk about is another celebrity. I don’t know how it got this bad, but really…You need to figure out who you are, and why.

I am fully aware that I am not the best guy in the world, or the most attractive, but I also know this is a destructive relationship that will only damage me while you never care. You are too self indulgent for your own good.

Breaking up is always hard on people but I really do prefer to be single than to continue being with a fat, self-indulgent, arrogant, over-spending, trendy, ignorant pig like you.

Go fuck yourself America. We’re now broken up. I’m giving you’re sister Canada a call. She seems thin and hip, albeit a little cold.

Dear God.

Dear Readers,

dear government

Dear Resident Drone: