The Five Major Accomplishments Of The Tea Party

The Five Major Accomplishments Of The Tea Party

On the bloody battlefields of World War II, soldiers would refer to a confusing, messy, and all-out hopeless situation as a “clusterfuck“. It is perhaps appropriate then that this word has become the most apt in describing modern American politics—the only difference is the House of Representatives doesn’t get as bloody as we might like it to. So it was something of a relief when the Tea Party showed up.

Regardless of one’s political affiliations, at least here was a pure, grass roots (cough) manifestation of the people’s frustration at their cynical, self-serving representatives. For a while leading up to the 2010 midterm elections, it seemed as if something akin to a third political party had finally emerged in American politics. Of course, everyone regarded this as more of a schism in the Republican Party than a legitimate uprising, but actions speak louder than Reuters’ polls, so why don’t we look at what the improbably-elected “Tea Party Candidates” have managed to accomplish.

Accomplishment Number One: Nothing. (No, Seriously).

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There Will Only Be One Shaq

Post image for There Will Only Be One Shaq

When Shaquille O’Neal announced via Twitter that he was retiring. the game of basketball lost one of its best players. His statistics are overwhelming: O’Neal was on four NBA championship teams and was the 1993 Rookie of the Year, 2000 Most Valuable Player, a three-time Finals MVP, a 15 time All-Star, a three-time All-Star Game MVP, and has 14 All-NBA selections and three NBA All-Defensive Team selections under his belt. He scored 28,596 points (seventh most in NBA history), 13,099 rebounds (13th), .582 field-goal percentage (1st) and 2,732 blocks (8th). But the numbers don’t do the player or the personality justice.

When Shaq entered the league as the No. 1 overall pick by the Orlando Magic in the 1992 NBA Draft, everyone knew he’d be a beast. There were what could only be called viral videos of Shaq furiously dunking on any and everyone. He was a one-man wrecking crew and backboards around the country feared him.

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Explosion In The Middle East

The Article: On The Concatenation In The Arab World by Perry Anderson in the New Left Review.

The Text: The Arab revolt of 2011 belongs to a rare class of historical events: a concatenation of political upheavals, one detonating the other, across an entire region of the world. There have been only three prior instances—the Hispanic American Wars of Liberation that began in 1810 and ended in 1825; the European revolutions of 1848–49; and the fall of the regimes in the Soviet bloc, 1989–91. Each of these was historically specific to its time and place, as the chain of explosions in the Arab world will be. None lasted less than two years. Since the match was first lit in Tunisia this December, with the flames spreading to Egypt, Bahrain, Yemen, Libya, Oman, Jordan, Syria, no more than three months have passed; any prediction of its outcomes would be premature. The most radical of the trio of earlier upheavals ended in complete defeat by 1852. The other two triumphed, though the fruits of victory were often bitter: certainly, far from the hopes of a Bolívar or a Bohley. The ultimate fate of the Arab revolt could resemble either pattern. But it is just as likely to be sui generis.

Two features have long set the Middle East and North Africa apart within the contemporary political universe. The first is the unique longevity and intensity of the Western imperial grip on the region, over the past century. From Morocco to Egypt, colonial control of North Africa was divided between France, Italy and Britain before the First World War, while the Gulf became a series of British protectorates and Aden an outpost of British India. After the War the spoils of the Ottoman Empire fell to Britain and France, adding what became under their calipers Iraq, Syria, the Lebanon, Palestine and Transjordan, in the final great haul of European territorial booty. Formal colonization arrived late in much of the Arab world. Sub-Saharan Africa, Southeast Asia, the Subcontinent, not to speak of Latin America, were all seized long before Mesopotamia or the Levant. Unlike any of these zones, however, formal decolonization has been accompanied by a virtually uninterrupted sequence of imperial wars and interventions in the post-colonial period.

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The Six Worst Donald Trump Blunders & Bungles

The Six Worst Donald Trump Blunders & Bungles

Trump has decided not to run for President, making his brush with politics seem like another gaudy (and self-centered) publicity stunt. There are a few lunatics who were actually rooting for this cold-hearted cash machine, but most of us knew that ‘President Trump’ would only bring headaches and a lot of new limousine parking lots where our houses used to be. In celebration of Trump’s decision not to run, here is an overview of some of his worst moments:

Failed Business Ventures

GoTrump.com

GoTrump.com Trump Website

GoTrump.com, a search engine you’ve never heard of, launched in 2006 and was shut down only a year later.

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Roseanne Does Roseanne

The Article: And I Should Know by Roseanne Barr in the New York Magazine.

The Text: During the recent and overly publicized breakdown of ­Charlie Sheen, I was repeatedly contacted by the media and asked to comment, as it was assumed that I know a thing or two about starring on a sitcom, fighting with producers, nasty divorces, public meltdowns, and bombing through a live comedytour. I have, however, never smoked crack or taken too many drugs, unless you count alcohol as a drug (I don’t). But I do know what it’s like to be seized by bipolar thoughts that make one spout wise about Tiger Blood and brag about winning when one is actually losing.

It’s hard to tell whether one is winning or, in fact, losing once one starts to think of oneself as a commodity, or a product, or a character, or a voice for the downtrodden. It’s called losing perspective. Fame’s a bitch. It’s hard to handle and drives you nuts. Yes, it’s true that your sense of entitlement grows exponentially with every perk until it becomes too stupendous a weight to walk around under, but it’s a cutthroat business, show, and without the perks, plain ol’ fame and fortune just ain’t worth the trouble.
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