I must confess: I cheated.
I vowed to spend last Saturday as The Situation. To live 24 hours vicariously GTL’ing it up as the six-packed, shameless star of the Jersey Shore. Now, I had my limitations. New York City in early November, for starters. There were the issues of Gym and Tan. My gym is uptown at school and I don’t do tanning beds, so I just ran to Brooklyn Bridge and back. The Jersey Shore falsely glamorizes the Laundry process. I experienced no T-shirt time chants when I donned my GTL shirt. Only confused looks.
The chatty Asian lady at the corner deli was speechless when I ordered 3 chicken parms and a protein shake in lieu of my usual lunch order. You also have no idea how long it takes to speak with Delta Airlines customer service when you have to say your middle name is The Situation. And don’t let Ronnie fool you. The fist-pump proved to be an ineffective dance move at an Italian party later that evening.
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President Barack Obama is a liar.
The man entrusted with the ultimate privilege looked the nation in the eye and betrayed each and everyone one of us. In a White House Correspondents’ dinner speech this May, Obama quipped: “[The Jersey Shore-Up provision] reads, ‘The following individuals shall be excluded from the indoor tanning tax within this bill: Snooki, JWOWW, The Situation and House minority leader John Boehner.’”
But fast-forward to this July and the set of “The View”. The hard-hitting tribunal of Joy Behar, Whoopi Goldberg, Elisabeth Hasselbeck & Co. grilled the President on his pop-culture wisdom:
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We always forget something about the “Jersey Shore”.
Ronnie, J-Wow, Pauly-D — they had to apply for the show. This means MTV had to turn down legions of over-tanned, under-read guidos and guidettes. Surely, there was some girl too Snooki for even Snooki. A bro more vain than even The Situation. The real question, then, is: what are they doing right now? Do they watch Snooki’s censored flips in the club, or Ronnie obliterating another loudmouth on the Boardwalk and shrug: that’s it? What are they planning for this upcoming Friday night?
The “Jersey Shore” returned this July with the tagline “Different shore. Same crazy”. There are a few differences in Season 2. The crew has a slightly nicer beach-house, in Miami this time. And they’re richer now. The Situation and Snooki drive sparkling new Escalades—although Snooki can barely look over the steering wheel in hers. In the Season 2 premiere, MTV sat the cast of down for a painfully-staged mock-ad pitching “The Other Guys” movie starring Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg.
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Dear BSS:
I thought you had left me, forgotten me as you ventured forth in your own directions to prospect for gold. But here you are, returning from the ashes of yore to triumphantly fill my ears with the most pleasant of cacophonies. Your new album is love, and I would romance your dick in person if given the opportunity.
Love,
PBH
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In 3 lines or less:
I’ve been listening to a lot of Bloc Party recently. I think we need synthesizers. In every fucking song.
Just visited Rustik in BK tonight, and couldn’t have been said better:
“2) I’ve been into Rustik two times and on both occasions I’ve had a feeling that I’d imagine would be similar to walking into a random person’s home unannounced. Meaning both times I’ve gone in there the bartender and owner(s) are hanging out at the bar with their friends laughing and carrying on with music blasting (all things I don’t mind) and when I step in the door everyone looks at me like “who the fuck is this? oh GREAT a customer, fun’s over” and the music gets turned down and everyone goes quiet and awkward looks are exchanged etc. etc. What the hell is that? Maybe I’m not familiar with the proper customer service techniques to apply when opening a bar/restaurant but if I had to take a guess I’d say alienating first time customers isn’t going to win you return visits. Either be a loud music bar with a kinetic feel or a quiet music bar with a relaxing feel. Don’t change the tone of your bar based on what YOU think the person who just walked in is like! That’s the same uncomfortable flip floppy shit that lost Kerry the last election and look how good that turned out. Do you want 4 more years of George Bush, Rustik Tavern? I think not.”
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Or, Edith Piaf in Photo:
Don’t expect too much depth, the majority of the humor is on the surface and superficial, as is the style of the time.
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