This remix is what’s up, so good:

via bol

As our self-designated D1-basketball correspondent, I thought it was important to throw up a link to the latest news coming out of Pattee Library, Penn State.

Nittany Lion bball player Stanley Pringle (above) was apparently reported for allegedly masturbating in the library while trying to chat it up with a Penn State coed. When interrogated about the incident, he casually replied, “Why would I need to masturbate? This is how I chill, ma’am.” Like many men, including myself, he claims that he has “a bad habit of putting his hand down his pants,” and demonstrated for the officer by placing his hand down the front of his sweatpants, according to the complaint. To be fair, at least he was at the library.

Please Discuss:

Everyone tuned into the US democratic primary will be aware that the Clinton camp has gone bibliography crazy in the past day or two, accusing Obama of borrowing without credit a few lines of a speech given this weekend from Massachussetts governer Deval Patrick. Clinton’s strategists hope to bring Obama’s cultish suporters back to reality, since a man with no original words is certainly not a man worth listening to for very long. Patrick fired back that his friend, Obama, was free to use his ideas and rhetoric if he liked. Possibly more remarkable than the Clinton-camp response is that of Republican strategist, Holly Robichaud. “It certainly goes in the face of his squeaky-clean image,” she wrote in a weekly blog for the Herald. “It is clear he used the same words - there is no question about it. It will hurt him, but maybe not enough for him to lose ground.” His squeeky clean image? How many of us have written a paper at one point during our careers with perhaps an improperly labelled or cited source?

Since this is my house (no, seriously), I’m considering it my endorsement on Super Tuesday (which is now). Sorry for the grey, it’s rainy. I put this up last night after returning from watching Obama suplex the Ultimate Warrior and body slam Hulk Hogan at the Hartford Civic center during Pretzelmania, Primary Edition.

Just thought I’d mention this one since it applies to my alma mater… Two of our better players were apparently found in a parking lot near the back of campus (which you would not use as your drinking/smoking spot if you had a moderate level of intelligence) with bottles of alcohol and a small amount of marijuana (colloquially known as pot, weed, reefer, or the ganja). The two were issued citations for possession of alcohol by a minor, but police have declined to file additional charges, because they can’t figure out whose pot it is. I’m not sure that I’m familiar with any other cases in which the passengers in the vehicle claim “It’s not mine!” and they cops decide it must have magically appeared and find the occupants innocent. Is this favoritism towards the team or is it just a nice set of cops?
Wiggins, Dyson Suspensions Due To Alcohol Incident

25. Mormon Jesus

Charges: Least plausible Jesus. We heard his brother is the devil — OMG! Won’t even let his flock have a cup of coffee in the morning — what a jerk. As with any celebrity comeback, lacks the oomph of the glory years. Won’t stop baptizing dead people from other religions, which they generally don’t appreciate as much as he thinks.

Exhibit A: Loves Mitt Romney, Harry Reid, and Glenn Beck. And magic long johns.

Sentence: Interrupted during the game by Mormon missionaries.

The BEAST 50 Most Loathsome People in America, 2007

Anyone who partakes in occaisonal viewing of scripted TV in the United States is aware that the writers have been and still are on strike with little hope of any sort of timely resolution. What this means for you and I is no new episodes of our fav shows unless they are ‘unscripted’, ie: reality shows. Basically, the writers aren’t doing anything, we’re not watching TV, so the networks are suffering, and anyone involved in the entertainment industry (minus reality shows) is fucked for as long as this thing goes on.

Habitual fear-monger, Republican senator from Colorado, and purveyor of high caliber weaponry, Tom Tancredo, explains his extremely complex policy on international relations and terrorism. He claims the best way that he can think of to deter terrorist attacks is to threaten retaliation by bombing things terrorists care about, like Medina and Mecca.

Can’t wait to see what the IRA thinks about this one.

NPR report [krcc.org]
Tancredo: US Should Threaten Muslim Holy Sites

First I must apologize for my lack of quality posts lately; I’ve been nursing a botfly larva living in my back which I picked up during a recent trip to Costa Rica. Mine hasn’t emerged yet, but I’ve been researching what to do with this sucka. I’ve included a video below for everyone’s enjoyment. Is it just me or do we seem to have a strange obsession with tropical parasitic diseases here?

It seemed to me to be a fairly normal thing for TechCrunch, a major venture capital/technology blog powerhouse, to put on a conference this summer for hot startup companies. What didn’t make a whole lot of sense to me, was one member of their panel of experts. We know him as MC Hammer. Is there any possible reason why a cheesy rapper would be selected for a technology startup conference expert? Not only is he fairly useless to the conference- he’s probably the least black guy you could put up there… I mean other than Barack Obama.

Today’s article on the difficulty in finding living space faced by young people in NY who are not finance professionals was extremely exciting for me. For the simple matter that I’m glad the Frozen BJ Face from years ago has finally found gainful employment.

Seriously, don’t NYT photographers take more than one shot before submitting to press?? Beyond the retard face on the right girl, the framing here is retarded. Am I turning into a photo snob or is the NYT really slacking here? Also, what’s the deal with Outward Bound stiffing these kids on real housing or enough money to find something? Aren’t outward bound trips like $10k each for a couple weeks at a time and filled with preps from Darien, CT?

I received an anonymous tip from an acquaintance living on the Kenai Peninsula, Alaska in the form of the above clipping from the Kenai Peninsula Clarion, the region’s daily rag. I’ve done a little research into the area, and other than the occasional moose attack (which makes the front page of the news) it seems like a normal sort of area.

Summary: It’s the Jews. Buy in now!

So I’m checking out the latest features from style.com via RSS when an interesting one comes through proclaiming: You’re a douchebag. Sounds interesting, a lil low-end chuckle. Until they describe me essentially to the letter:

I’m waiting for a friend at a wine bar and I see that the guy a couple of stools down from me keeps ostentatiously checking the late-model smartphone that lies before him on the granite countertop. He has the all-black Samsung BlackJack, which happens to be the coolest-looking smartphone there is—at least until the iPhone comes out—and he’s wearing jeans that look like they cost $400, and his haircut was probably half that. I also notice that he’s got an expensive- looking European leather briefcase at his feet that he no doubt calls an attaché.

So I skim that article thoughtfully learning about the douchebag culture of which I’ve apparently joined, when I discover something even more unusual near the end: