The Change For Things To Stay The Same

From Democracy and Empire: Both Illusions:

“The statements made by Condoleezza Rice and George W. Bush about the recent hostilities between Georgia and Russia did not raise an eyebrow from Obama or McCain, nor did they raise questions from those that comment on all things political. The recent chiding given to Russia by Bush and Rice that this is the 21st Century and that sovereign nations do not invade other sovereign nations, was hysterically amusing, if the deaths of more than a million Iraqi’s and thousands of dead Americans weren’t involved, this would be a great plot for a big screen comedy hit.”

DMX Has Gone Fucking Insane

Seriously:

Barack Obama, yeah.
Barack?!

Barack.
What the fuck is a Barack?! Barack Obama. Where he from, Africa?

Yeah, his dad is from Kenya.
Barack Obama?

Yeah.
What the fuck?! That ain’t no fuckin’ name, yo. That ain’t that nigga’s name. You can’t be serious. Barack Obama. Get the fuck outta here.

You’re telling me you haven’t heard about him before.
I ain’t really paying much attention.

I mean, it’s pretty big if a Black…
Wow, Barack! The nigga’s name is Barack. Barack? Nigga named Barack Obama. What the fuck, man?! Is he serious? That ain’t his fuckin’ name. Ima tell this nigga when I see him, “Stop that bullshit. Stop that bullshit” [laughs] “That ain’t your fuckin’ name.” Your momma ain’t name you no damn Barack.

Also, try to make sense of this:

See Also: March Madness Begins, DMX gives good interviews, DMX: Keepin’ the Political Process Real, and DMX To Obama: No, You Can’t.

[tags]barack obama, nigga, name, dmx interview, dmx, rapper, hip hop, rap, music, what the fuck is a barack[/tags]

Wholefoods, Indie Bands, Slow Dancing, Zach Braff, Anorexia.

Today’s link is Stuff White People Like, a blog (you guessed it) about what white people like. We’re so lame! Some of the best include:

#67 Standing Still at Concerts

…So when white people go to concerts at smaller venues, what to do they do? They stand still! This is an important part of white concert going as it enables you to focus on the music, and it will prevent drawing excess attention to you. Remember, at a concert everyone is watching you just waiting for you to try to start dancing. Then they will make fun of you.

#65 Co-Ed Sports

…But if you are reasonably skilled in sports, you have to be extremely careful how you approach your co-ed matches. If you try TOO hard (bowling over a female catcher, throwing a kickball EXTRA hard at someone) you come off as an aggressive, crazy maniac. On the other hand, if you don’t try at all you come off as a jerk who thinks they are above the game. The only solution is to approach the game like a point-shaving basketball player – play hard enough to be convincing, but not hard enough to win. If you follow these rules, you will find yourself invited to the mandatory post-game drinks at a local bar where you will be photographed many times.

#64 Recycling

Recycling is a part of a larger theme of stuff white people like: saving the earth without having to do that much.

Recycling is fantastic! You can still buy all the stuff you like (bottled water, beer, wine, organic iced tea, and cans of all varieties) and then when you’re done you just put it in a DIFFERENT bin than where you would throw your other garbage. And boom! Environment saved! Everyone feels great, it’s so easy!

#63 Expensive Sandwiches

If you are in the position where you need to take a white person to lunch for business or pleasure, saying “I know a great sandwich shop,” will always bring out a smile. The white person will then tell you about the great sandwich shop in the town where they went to college and how they had a crush on a waiter, or that there was some special sandwich that they always ordered. This will put the person in a good mood.

It’s important to note that this type of restaurant is best for business or friendship situations as it is very neutral and does not carry connotations like Sushi or Breakfast.

These sandwiches generally start at $8.99. Remember that whenever a white person says they wants to go to a sandwich shop you are looking at at least a $15 outlay after tip and drink, $20 if the place has a good selection of microbrews.

Also note: white people will wait up to 40 minutes for a good sandwich.

[tags]stuff white people like, racial stereotypes, funny link, hilarious blog, discrimination, recycling, expensive sandwiches[/tags]

The Most Loathsome of 2007, and You’re On It

A new year, a new Most Loathsome List from Buffalo Beast. Not as good as last year, but man, still pretty fucking good. Some gems include:

38. Steven Moore

Charges: Mo Rocca’s evil twin and founder of the election-law-breaking PAC Club for Growth, Moore’s the Wall Street Journal’s most brazen corporate apologist and free market sycophant, who’s trotted out on TV to manicure the invisible hand every time it chips a nail squashing the poor.

Exhibit A: “If you don’t want to buy a Chinese toy, don’t buy it at Wal-Mart. But you know why people buy these things? Because they’re cheap and, for the most part, they’re pretty good products.”

Sentence: Given low-wage job test-licking all Chinese imports, incurs brain tumor, has epiphany about consumer choice and income, then more brain tumors.

And

28. The Troops

Charges: Rubes, the lot of ’em. Come back all fugly. They keep telling John McCain they want to win. They need so much support, it’s clingy and sad. Matching outfits? Kind of gay.

Exhibit A: Too cheap to buy their own body armor.

Sentence: Walter Reed.

And finally:

9. You

Charges: You believe in freedom of speech, until someone says something that offends you. You suddenly give a damn about border integrity, because the automated voice system at your pharmacy asked you to press 9 for Spanish. You cling to every scrap of bullshit you can find to support your ludicrous belief system, and reject all empirical evidence to the contrary. You know the difference between patriotism and nationalism — it’s nationalism when foreigners do it. You hate anyone who seems smarter than you. You care more about zygotes than actual people. You love to blame people for their misfortunes, even if it means screwing yourself over. You still think Republicans favor limited government. Your knowledge of politics and government are dwarfed by your concern for Britney Spears’ children. You think buying Chinese goods stimulates our economy. You think you’re going to get universal health care. You tolerate the phrase “enhanced interrogation techniques.” You think the government is actually trying to improve education. You think watching CNN makes you smarter. You think two parties is enough. You can’t spell. You think $9 trillion in debt is manageable. You believe in an afterlife for the sole reason that you don’t want to die. You think lowering taxes raises revenue. You think the economy’s doing well. You’re an idiot.

Exhibit A: You couldn’t get enough Anna Nicole Smith coverage.

Sentence: A gradual decline into abject poverty as you continue to vote against your own self-interest. Death by an easily treated disorder that your health insurance doesn’t cover. You deserve it, chump.

And more from the past on PBH:

John McCain on the 50
And yes, you’re still guilty.

Emo Poetry Contest

I’m dark and sensitive with low self esteem
The way I dress makes me feel like everyday is Halloween
I have no real problems
But I like to make believe
I stole my sisters mascara
Now I’m grounded for a week
Sulking and writing poetry are my hobbies
I can’t get through a Hawthorne Heights album without sobbing
Girls keep breaking up with me
Its never any fun
They say they already have a pussy
They don’t need another one

From the Shoutmouth Bad Emo Poetry Contest. Incroyable.