Link of the Day

Ah, the Onion at it’s finest:

WASHINGTON—Calling a GOP victory in the 2012 presidential election antithetical to the party platform, top Republicans revealed a new long-term political strategy Tuesday: reelecting Barack Obama and making his life even more of a living hell than it already is.

“For three years, the Republican Party has coalesced around the single goal of making President Obama’s every waking moment sheer and utter torture,” Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell told reporters. “But we can’t continue to do that if he’s not in office.”

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It turns out that Mitt Romney’s hypocrisy on health care and abortion is also incredibly personal. As reported by Salon:

In a 1994 Senate debate with Ted Kennedy, Mitt Romney revealed a startling chapter from his past: A close relative had died many years earlier in a botched illegal abortion, shaping Romney’s stance in favor of safe and legal access to abortion for all women…

The relative he was referring to back in ’94, Salon has learned, was a Detroit woman named Ann Keenan. She was the sister of Romney’s brother-in-law and died at the age of 21 in 1963, a full decade before Roe v. Wade. While much of what happened remains murky, an investigation by Salon has uncovered never-reported details about her life and death, including: how she died (an infection); that her grief-stricken parents asked for memorial donations to be made to Planned Parenthood; and that the family apparently wanted to keep the death quiet because Romney’s politically ambitious father, George, was then governor of Michigan.

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Stunningly accurate:

Big Market

Imagine you’re a middle-aged, upper-middle class male.You live in a large metropolitan area. You have a good job. Your wife does Pilates. Your oldest just started Kindergarten. Yes, you’re an adult but you’re still cool! Your jeans cost $125. Sometimes you wear sneakers with a blazer!

You like the idea of being a guy who’s “into live music” but the last few concerts you’ve been to were a) too loud b) too crowded c) too foreign (you’re lucky if you recognize one song). Yes, you’ll snap a few photos with your smartphone and tell your bros about it to get some street cred but let’s face it – you didn’t enjoy yourself. There are millions of you. And you’re willing to drop cash to have a concert make you feel cool again.

Product Market Fit

Then you learn that U2 is coming to town – U2! Earnest, melodic, Oprah-endorsed U2! $200 a ticket? No problem. You get a sitter. Your wife is excited – this is going to be great! You invite some friends from college to join you.

On the way, you listen to the “early stuff”. Joshua Tree pumps through the speakers of your Lexus SUV (no judgement – you have two kids!). The harmonies soothe. The lyrics are straightforward. You recall a simpler time before car seats and prostate exams. The nostalgia is so thick you have to wipe it from your face. You haven’t looked at your phone in nearly 11 minutes.

You arrive at the show and see yourself everywhere. Tasteful North Face and Patagonia jackets abound. The stands are awash in earth tones. No one is shoving. No one has a nose ring. These are your people.

Usability

The band begins with A SONG YOU RECOGNIZE! You’re on your feet. You’re drinking “craft” beer. Everyone is singing terribly.

And here’s the best the part – YOU CAN DANCE HERE! 80,000 people surround you and there’s not a coordinated movement in sight. Even the band sets a low bar. Bono doesn’t so much dance as lunge and bounce. The other guys seem content to nod and rock. All around you, middle-aged people are rocking and lunging and bouncing and singing badly. Is that guy wearing Tod’s loafers and a Barbour jacket? Yes he is. And he’s in the zone.

The set is basically a greatest hits playlist. The band graciously performs two new songs that no one recognizes to give you a few minutes to use the john and grab another IPA. They might as well flash an intermission sign.

Even the political statements go down smooth: “Democracy!” “Fight AIDS!” How could you possibly disagree? You’re not only dancing and reminiscing – you’re spreading freedom and reasonably-priced medicines to distant lands!

And the kicker: not one but TWO encores, the ones you know best – the ones you first heard that summer you painted houses or kissed Katie at the beach party or whatever. You’re closing your eyes now. This is sad and sweet. You put your arm around your wife. You’re wondering if Katie ever got married. A third of the crowd departs after the first encore. It’s no big deal – some of us have work in the morning! Anyway, the traffic will be better if everyone doesn’t leave at once.

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Help raise your very own little dictator with the help of Playmobil Security Check Point! Appropriate for any child that is comfortable with seeing dongs in a body scanner.

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My favorite Twitter account to date.

Favorite zing 1:

Smashing Pumpkins: 1-2 grandiose delusions; 3 Hubris!; 4-6 “Acquired Situational Narcissism” (cf. DSM-IV); 7 feelings of entitlement.

Favorite zing 2:

M.I.A.: 1 “A pop revolutionary’s gotta move fast…”; 2 “…before success softens your ideas…”; 3 “…and all that remains is celebrity.”

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Oleoleolson at AlterNet blew the lid off of a huge story about a ring of conservative Diggers that were burying stories from liberal sites and targeting specific users to be banned from Digg:

A group of influential conservative members of the behemoth social media site Digg.com have just been caught red-handed in a widespread campaign of censorship, having multiple accounts, upvote padding, and deliberately trying to ban progressives. An undercover investigation has exposed this effort, which has been in action for more than one year…
Continue Reading This Article…

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