Athletes Cheating + What Else Is New (double entendre)

So basically what happens is you are a big dumb jock who is good at x sport, but since you are a big dumb jock, you can’t get the NCAA minimum GPA to play collegiate ball. Enter University High School, “which has no classes and no educational accreditation, appears to have offered college players a speedy academic makeover.” Awesome. If only my stupidity paid as well as theirs. (ps go click google ads, i am seriously so hungry)

Bed bugs apparently really do exist. And their coming through New York City.

Life: the disorder. And I couldn’t agree more. Nothing is more nauseating then seeing people whine and complain and act like their knowledgable enough to make decisions about body chemistry, psychology, and education. Let’s all drive the minivan to the Adderall and Vicodin store, please!

The long march of Dick Cheney. Salon provides another interesting (but always slanted) look at Dick Cheney’s rise and grip on power in the current White House administration.

Some other interesting articles: LA Times article on evidence that humans affect climate change, Poland exposes Soviet-era plans to attack/counter-attack with nuclear weapons, and local journalists expose attempted cover-up of Chinese toxic spill.

And for the one bright spot: Wall Street Programmer: What are the hours? Well, hats off to anyone who works in Wall Street, whatever your field may be. Just know that your friends in Washinton DC are working a third of the hours and making the same money. But to each his own microcosm. And with that, good day!

American Idiots, Rejoice

Ah, it’s Black Friday. So today is the day that every loathsome, George Bush voting fat American hauls their oversized, well-in-debt selves to the local bargan provider and spends too much money on shit no one needs. While the rest of the world struggles to survive, we struggle to fit in the rest of our clothes.

There is nothing more disgusting then these types of Americans, the kind that complain when lines are too short, when their stomachs are too full, when their stickable American flags refuse to stay on their minivans. If there is another major epidemic, please let it wipe out these wastes, because Osama is not holding up his end of the bargain.

Read about today’s ‘hysteria’ at CNN, Garrison Keillor’s take on that lot, and… someday son, all this cheap crap will be yours.

And for you dumb religious types: there is no god.

Turkeyeve, Black Friday Eve-eve

Ooooh, we can beat the Russians at something. The game we play is who can kill more citizens with toxins, yayy!!

Sexy, cold blooded killings. Carried out by the Brazilian police. Woops?

Some funny domains that didn’t think before they registered. My favorite: 4) Need a therapist?
http://www.therapistfinder.com

I’m glad to see the Japanese re-arming. It’ll pose a nice rebalance in the East-Asian sphere. Just don’t pull another Pearl Harbon on us, please.

The new red/blue divide. Let’s go Idaho (no, you da ho — har har har!).

The story behind this fellah is he spray painted gigantic pictures all over Washington DC of everyone’s favorite crazy Supreme Court nominee: Robert Bork. He got caught, and showed up to court in clothes that suggest he just was spray painting something. It is hard not to appreciate some good anti-establishment views, and also someone who used the saying “Grownups Are Obsolete”.

I am: Hillary Duff’s non-existant chest. Sorry Hillary, it’s science.

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Not the Chinatown buses. Well apparently buses that only cost 35 dollars roundtrip to go from Washington DC to New York City aren’t safe. I only found that out on my fifth trip, when my bus driver hit a car and refused to stop. What fun! I hope it was a bounty hunter looking to cash in on my driver’s warrant, because that’s just wrong.

And finally: WHAT THE SHIT. So a naked man comes into your office building, fumbles around, goes up the elevator, then jumps off the 8th floor to commit suicide? The least he could have done was worn shoes.

News to Make You Blue Blue Blue

Blah blah blah, I’m a typical black guy, here are some poorly laid out points about why I dislike George Bush. This doesn’t come up very short of being Kanye West’s ‘George Bush doesn’t care about black people’ statement. He just managed to write it out, sort of.

You know what I think the answer is to a raising AIDS population? More abstinence programs, and cutting funding into providing condoms to third world countries.

Will Sharon’s new party help or hurt prospects of peace with Palestine? Short answer: No (?), Long Answer: It wasn’t going to happen anyway.

Catholicism: Rainbow free. Sorry homosexuals, I know you were very desparate to join the ranks of a failing, crumbling religion, but guess what? Too bad. Just try to become a punter on the Arizona Cardinals or something instead.

You could argue. You could campaign. You could vote. But any well informed economist will tell you that you’re wasting your time. And here is one that does.

Oh, and remember the idea of missle shield system? Well, a year of work from Meelosh and Yafgany made it worthless. Great.

And in one point of boring dribble, the worlds most ugly dog died. Only in America could something grosser than Julia Roberts become famous for no good reason.

One point of happiness: the Ukrainian’s celebrating the one year anniversary of the Orange Revolution. I’m happy to see Ukraine move away from Russia, the big drowsy bear that seems to like to fall on its neighbors.

For your inner realist

Well, this is the first post of News to Make You Blue. The basic premise of this is pretty self-evident — there is plenty of news in the world, and most of it centers on what a shitty place the earth is to live on. So why not cash in the chips and submit to defeatism?

This will be a daily collection of links that will open your eyes and crush your ideals — free of charge (minus the saturation with ads and the cost of your soul). So it begins:

Defrauding Indian tribes. And I thought giving Indians bad treaties stopped in the 1800’s, guess not.

Bob Woodward sells his soul. It’s like he won the Superbowl with Watergate, and has been doing puff pieces and beer commercials ever since.

Ariel Sharon quits the party he started Good for him though, because brainless right-wing Israelis deserve to be locked in their own unelectable and hopefully unrepresented box.

GM to Cut 30,000 jobs, under-worked and over-paid seek relocation plan The gravy train is about to end for a lot — poor productivity and shitty cars means tough times for 35 hour union slobs. Who didn’t see this coming?

Hey, I’m no fan of Asian-driven curriculum either White flight from public schools because there are too many Asians? At least you would be taller than everyone, and you would probably win any fight you’d get into (except against the ninjas).

And finally, a good piece of news. Well, kind of. This baby panda is damn cute. So cute in fact, that I woke up to try to get tickets to see him. Guess what? Too bad. They were already gone by 11 am. I guess I’ll just be sneaking into the zoo in my underwear at 4 am, as usual.

And that’s today folks.