Dear Resident Drone:

Thank you for informing me that they sell jackets at stores now. In case you didn’t notice (and saying that you, a government drone, could have a discerning eye, is highly unlikely), I was wearing a cashmere sweater.

I know that after years of solitude in your cube have left you bored and bitter. How does it feel to know that I, a 22 year old, make as much as your stiff, antiquated ass? Have fun living the rest of your life living by 2.5 percent pay raises the rest of your life. Lord knows you’ll need the excitement.

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