Why ChildFund Doesn’t Deserve Your Money

ChildFund’s commercials can almost be recited by rote: Alan Sader (or, conversely, Sally Struthers) toots around a third world hamlet, kneeling next to anemic skeleton-children, begging you to donate a few cents a day to sponsor these kids and save their lives. Melancholy piano music tinkles in the background while middle-class guilt is triggered nationwide.

These commercials are probably ChildFund at their most consistent, as otherwise ChildFund’s goals are murky and ill-defined. Beneath the surface, the charity is in a constant state of identity crisis, which has manifested itself in several ways.

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Land Of The Free, Home Of The Brave

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How Jersey Shore & Barack Obama Can End Racism

President Barack Obama is a liar.

The man entrusted with the ultimate privilege looked the nation in the eye and betrayed each and everyone one of us. In a White House Correspondents’ dinner speech this May, Obama quipped: “[The Jersey Shore-Up provision] reads, ‘The following individuals shall be excluded from the indoor tanning tax within this bill: Snooki, JWOWW, The Situation and House minority leader John Boehner.’”

But fast-forward to this July and the set of “The View”. The hard-hitting tribunal of Joy Behar, Whoopi Goldberg, Elisabeth Hasselbeck & Co. grilled the President on his pop-culture wisdom:

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Someone Calls On Me

The Association – Along Comes Mary off of And Then…Along Comes the Association

Why Martin Luther King Jr. Would Have Watched Jersey Shore

We always forget something about the “Jersey Shore”.

Ronnie, J-Wow, Pauly-D — they had to apply for the show. This means MTV had to turn down legions of over-tanned, under-read guidos and guidettes. Surely, there was some girl too Snooki for even Snooki. A bro more vain than even The Situation. The real question, then, is: what are they doing right now? Do they watch Snooki’s censored flips in the club, or Ronnie obliterating another loudmouth on the Boardwalk and shrug: that’s it? What are they planning for this upcoming Friday night?
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