The Right-Wing Troll Notification System

Never before has Lindsey Graham’s voice been so aptly used.

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On President Obama’s Awful, Outlandish Power Grabs

Presidential Power Grabs

Just sayin’, guys. Just sayin’.

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Russell Brand On Philip Seymour Hoffman And Drugs

Philip Seymour Hoffman

The Article: Philip Seymour Hoffman is another victim of extremely stupid drug laws by Russell Brand in The Guardian.

The Text: Philip Seymour Hoffman’s death was not on the bill.

If it’d been the sacrifice of Miley Cyrus or Justin Bieber, that we are invited to anticipate daily, we could delight in the Faustian justice of the righteous dispatch of a fast-living, sequin-spattered denizen of eMpTyV. We are tacitly instructed to await their demise with necrophilic sanctimony. When the end comes, they screech on Fox and TMZ, it will be deserved. The Mail provokes indignation, luridly baiting us with the sidebar that scrolls from the headline down to hell.

But Philip Seymour Hoffman? A middle-aged man, a credible and decorated actor, the industrious and unglamorous artisan of Broadway and serious cinema? The disease of addiction recognises none of these distinctions. Whilst routinely described as tragic, Hoffman’s death is insufficiently sad to be left un-supplemented in the mandatory posthumous scramble for salacious garnish; we will now be subjected to mourn-ography posing as analysis. I can assure you that there is no as yet undiscovered riddle in his domestic life or sex life, the man was a drug addict and his death inevitable.

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FOX News Gets Pissed At LEGO For Being “Anti-Business”

Proving that they are equal opportunity reactionaries (re: no, not only puppets can be freedom-hating commies), the poindexters over at FOX News cover the real issues: namely, how plastic figurines hate business and are poisoning the otherwise pro-business minds of our children. Never mind that the producers are making the movie for…profit…this is yet another example of the liberal elite indoctrinating the youth with their wicked, anti-capitalist ways.

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Vladimir Putin Does Sochi In Style

Putin Bobsled

Though still in its infancy, one question has already found its way into the Sochi Olympics fold: just how many Olympic golds will Vladimir Putin–curler, skeleton-er, and bobsledding extraordinaire–receive? Slate’s photo editor has documented some stellar examples of Putin’s preternatural athleticism, and it’s certainly worthy of praise. If only the Western media would get out of bed with their anti-Putin bias, the world might be a better place.

Putin Curling

Putin Figure Skating

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