I’ll fuck you till you love me faggot

Some of Mike Tyson’s greatest hits, in and out of the ring, including my personal favorite (and more after the video):

All praise is to Allah, I’ll fight any man, any animal, if Jesus were here I’d fight him too.

“[He] called me a ‘rapist’ and a ‘recluse.’ I’m not a recluse.”

“I paid a worker at New York’s zoo to re-open it just for me and Robin. When we got to the gorilla cage there was 1 big silverback gorilla there just bullying all the other gorillas. They were so powerful but their eyes were like an innocent infant. I offered the attendant $10,000 to open the cage and let smash that silverback’s snotbox! He declined.”

“I’m just like you. I enjoy the forbidden fruits in life, too. I think it’s un-American not to go out with a woman, not to be with a beautiful woman, not to get my dick sucked … It’s just what I said before, everybody in this country is a big fucking liar. [The media] tells people … that this person did this and this person did that and then we find out that were just human and we find out that Michael Jordan cheats on his wife just like everybody else and that we all cheat on our fucking wife in one way or another either emotionally, physically or sexually or one way.”

“I feel like sometimes that I was born, that I’m not meant for this society because everyone here is a fucking hypocrite. Everybody says they believe in God but they don’t do God’s work. Everybody counteracts what God is really about. If Jesus was here, do you think Jesus would show me any love? Do you think Jesus would love me? I’m a Muslim, but do you think Jesus would love me … I think Jesus would have a drink with me and discuss … why you acting like that? Now, he would be cool. He would talk to me. No Christian ever did that and said in the name of Jesus even … They’d throw me in jail and write bad articles about me and then go to church on Sunday and say Jesus is a wonderful man and he’s coming back to save us. But they don’t understand that when he comes back, that these crazy greedy capitalistic men are gonna kill him again.”

“Well, [contemplating suicide] goes through everyone’s mind, I’m sure. And if it doesn’t I really must be crazy. Everyone thinks about that because sometimes, you know what I mean, it’s just tough being a ni**er and it’s tough being a bad ni**er.”

“The one thing I know, everyone respects the true person and everyone’s not true with themselves. All of these people who are heroes, these guys who have been lily white and clean all their lives, if they went through what I went through, they would commit suicide. They don’t have the heart that I have. I’ve lived places they can’t defecate in.”

“I’m just a dark guy from a den of iniquity. A dark shadowy figure from the bowels of iniquity. I wish I could be Mike who gets an endorsement deal. But you can’t make a lie and a truth go together. This country wasn’t built on moral fiber. This country was built on rape, slavery, murder, degradation and affiliation with crime.”

And the runner up (and Tyson may be getting gay with Mr. T, by the way):

“You’re sweet. I’m going to make sure you kiss me good with those big lips. I’m gonna make you my girlfriend.”

Real Jesus Versus Republican Jesus

I’m Not Coming Out Till This Is All Over

Smoke It Till It’s Done

Fuck Christians and Fuck Conservatives