{"id":10361,"date":"2011-12-31T11:33:41","date_gmt":"2011-12-31T16:33:41","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.prosebeforehos.com\/?p=10361"},"modified":"2012-12-26T20:07:53","modified_gmt":"2012-12-27T01:07:53","slug":"worst-women-of-2011","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.prosebeforehos.com\/cultural-correspondent\/12\/31\/worst-women-of-2011\/","title":{"rendered":"The Worst Women Of 2011: Time To Take Out The Trash"},"content":{"rendered":"

From strong to wrong, 2011 has been a year choc-full of powerful women. But some of them have used that power only to perpetuate the panoply of reasons why people around the world are right in casting a scornful eye toward the United States. Here is 2011’s five most frightful females:<\/p>\n

The Kardashian Klan (Mainly Kim)<\/h2>\n

\"Worst<\/p>\n

Never has the letter \u2018K\u2019 been less appealing: the women of the Kardashian family consist of Kourtney, Kris, Kim, and Khloe, their published prose is kalled \u201cKardashian Konfidential,\u201d and their Sears clothing is naturally dubbed the \u201cKardashian Kollection.\u201d Vain, vapid, and exuding only self-congratulatory praise and grotesque amounts of wealth, clips of this family\u2019s show should be played to galvanize impressionable youth at Al-Qaeda training camps. <\/p>\n

While international protest movements inspired many to involve themselves more directly in political dialogue this year, the Kardashian family somehow managed to make millions of Americans actually believe they were worth \u201ckeeping up with\u201d as well. As such, Kim Kardashian (now known for her marriage that lasted as long a loaf of bread does in a freezer) is reported to receive up to $10,000 from her sponsors<\/a><\/em> for whatever mindless dross she tweets to her equally inane followers. <\/p>\n

No, they wouldn\u2019t have all of this acclaim without a reason: they\u2019re \u201cactresses\u201d and enterprising businesswomen who catapulted themselves to tabloid fame with the leak of Kim\u2019s sex tape, the 21st century substitute for talent and ingenuity. Nevertheless, Kim manages to give back for all of her newfound fame: shedding her business suit for sheet music, Kim recently released a single entitled \u201cJam (Turn It Up)\u201d<\/a><\/em> whose proceeds (or actually, just half of them) would go to the latest Kardashian Kause: cancer research. However, described by critics as \u201cdead brained and generic,\u201d it seems that Kardashian would have been much more charitable to everyone, cancer-ridden or not, had she kept her mouth klosed and just donated her own money to the foundation directly.<\/p>\n

Michele Bachmann<\/h2>\n

<\/p>\n

\"Worst<\/p>\n

Never you mind the eyes that may make you ponder hyperthyroidism or the grating Midwestern accent, the reason why Michele Bachmann is so incredibly terrifying is because she is a toxic combination of the most ignorant and biggest liars present in the political scene today. And what\u2019s worse\u2014people actually listen to her. Not even winning a single primary election yet, her false claims about the dangers of the HPV vaccine set the vaccine (favored and deemed safe to use by the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) and the Center for Disease Control and Prevention) back around three years<\/a><\/em>. And when dealing with potentially fatal illnesses, that delay is something that many AAP members say they can\u2019t afford.<\/p>\n

What\u2019s more, Bachmann\u2019s own primordial religious views and subsequent intercultural intolerance rival those of the radical extremists against whom she so publicly discriminates. Singling out minorities as only her personal Savior would do, Bachmann views homosexuality as a disorder and \u201cpersonal enslavement.\u201d As for as Islam, despite its heterogeneous nature and diverse schools of thought, she callously dismisses it as wholly bad and something that should be dealt with much like \u201cthe seditious ideology of Communism.\u201d<\/a><\/em> Red scare? More like Michele scare.<\/p>\n

The Mothers on TLC\u2019S \u201cToddlers and Tiaras\u201d<\/h2>\n

\"Worst<\/p>\n

A common theme in the American canon, once you discover something that can bring you any kind of joy or success, you must not savor it but rather exploit it at any and all costs. And if it\u2019s not necessarily the American way, it is certainly the TLC way. The network makes no exception for little girls across the country, or at least for those that have the unlucky fate of being spawned from the wombs of women so deranged that they believe dressing a 5-year old as the prostitute protagonist from \u201cPretty Woman\u201d is age appropriate.<\/p>\n

Often leaving the inquisitive viewer to ponder in which level of Dante\u2019s Inferno she will reside upon her overdue death, the mothers on \u201cToddlers and Tiaras\u201d are in a league of their own. They shave the legs of their six-year-old girls, conceal gapped teeth with veneers and spray their girls\u2019 skin baby shit orange. And in some of the more dire cases, they pad their tots\u2019 hot pink cat suits with fake breasts and buttocks in a cheap attempt to channel Dolly Parton, whose own implants could survive a nuclear holocaust. But what these mothers pad the most is the ego of these poor little girls, who are fated to be the nasty byproduct of some miserable mother\u2019s pathetic and parasitic attempt to rekindle her long-lost youth. <\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Bravo\u2019s \u201cThe Real Housewives\u201d<\/h2>\n

\"Worst<\/p>\n

As if Stepford wasn\u2019t bad enough, Bravo TV set its sights on following the hollow lives of various female elite in well-to-do cities. The issues raised in the episodes range from feigned gravitas to schmaltzy studies in vapidity, and the majority of the women portrayed are about as inspiring as sea cucumbers. With botoxed and artificially enhanced ladies prancing and preening about their mansions, the series\u2019 newest installment in Beverly Hills should be more of an anti-plastic surgery PSA.<\/p>\n

And then there\u2019s New York\u2019s Countess LuAnn who, much like the talentless Kardashian, decided to embark on a lackluster musical career with her auto-tuned ditties \u201cChic C\u2019est La Vie\u201d and \u201cMoney Can\u2019t Buy You Class.\u201d Luann cites Holly Golightly as her inspiration; others with a more discerning ear hear more of a post-tracheotomy version<\/a><\/em> of the British singer-songwriter. Nevertheless, with through-the-roof Nielsen ratings and teenage girls\u2019 vocalized desires to be like these fit-throwing, feud-having and gossip-gabbing women, the Housewives will unfortunately be around for the foreseeable future. <\/p>\n