{"id":132891,"date":"2012-11-26T11:24:48","date_gmt":"2012-11-26T16:24:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.prosebeforehos.com\/?p=132891"},"modified":"2012-12-26T20:59:04","modified_gmt":"2012-12-27T01:59:04","slug":"vote-for-karlos-in-2040","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.prosebeforehos.com\/government_employee\/11\/26\/vote-for-karlos-in-2040\/","title":{"rendered":"VOTE FOR KARLOS IN 2040!"},"content":{"rendered":"

INTRO<\/strong><\/p>\n

To our likable enough<\/del> [EDIT: Who let Barack near the teleprompter script again?]<\/strong> Chairman Chelsea Clinton and to all my 410 million fellow citizens across our 51 states, it is with profound gratitude and humility that I accept your nomination for the 2040 presidency of the United States of America. <\/p>\n

Well, last night Senator Ben Affleck of the great state of Massachusetts showed us how a real nomination speech should be given. And made us all forget he once made the movie \u201cGigli\u201d<\/del> [That was Matt Damon.]<\/strong> <\/p>\n

Now, as we all know, Senator Affleck rides the high-speed rail with a devotion that would do the late Vice President \u201cAmtrak Joe\u201d Biden proud. Thanks to the now-completed Northeast Corridor, Senator Affleck now makes it from Washington to his Boston home in just over three hours. After decades of watching China and Brazil out-build us, we finally have world-class high-speed rail of our own!<\/p>\n

\"High<\/p>\n

[Dramatic pause]<\/strong>I only wish we could say the same for Washington. My friends, I know it\u2019s been tough these last four years. President Marco Rubio has been behind the wheel of our train, and he steered it off the rails and into a ditch. <\/p>\n

The president derailed the train by failing to regulate the Virtual Telepathy speculative bubble of the 2030s. He derailed the train with tax breaks to the billionaires and lunar jet owners who needed them the least.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

The president derailed the train by trying to dismantle our third rail\u2014privatizing Social Security\u2014and by slashing our senior citizens\u2019 social safety net with Paul Ryan\u2019s long-debunked austerity. <\/p>\n

And finally, the president derailed the train by failing to safe-guard our electrical grid from insidious hackers\u2014both foreign and domestic. By failing to shore up our levies and seawalls from higher sea levels, Mr. President, you’re\u00a0not doing a heck of a job!<\/p>\n

My friends, I would ask you, as President Reagan once did, \u201cAre you better off now than you were four years ago?\u201d Sadly, it\u2019s a rhetorical question. We must not settle for this new normal. A new normal where too many Americans are out of work, too many seniors are neglected after giving our country so much, and too many cities are flooded or go dark at a moment\u2019s notice! <\/p>\n

\"Train<\/p>\n

Look, the train\u2019s not pretty. It looks–well, it looks like a train that has been stuck in a ditch for four years. It desperately needs a tune-up, could use a paint-job, but\u2014thanks to the hard work of the Democrat-controlled House and Senate\u2014the train is getting back on track. But just as the train is ready to leave the station, the Republicans called. They want the keys back. <\/p>\n

And we\u2019re here together tonight to tell the President: No! You can\u2019t have the keys. You\u2019re a terrible driver. You\u2019ll just drive it back into the ditch.
\nThe president loves to recycle President Lincoln when he says, you \u201cDon’t trade horses in midstream!\u201d Well, I\u2019m here to tell President Rubio: You\u2019re no Lincoln! I\u2019m here to tell my opponent: Get off my train! <\/p>\n