{"id":4090,"date":"2009-06-21T16:21:49","date_gmt":"2009-06-21T20:21:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.prosebeforehos.com\/?p=4090"},"modified":"2012-12-26T20:56:01","modified_gmt":"2012-12-27T01:56:01","slug":"daggered","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.prosebeforehos.com\/alec\/06\/21\/daggered\/","title":{"rendered":"Daggered!"},"content":{"rendered":"

Damn you Onion<\/a>:<\/p>\n

Local resident Alan Bower’s particular brand of sardonic, no-holds-barred commentary about everything around him has firmly established the 31-year-old policy writer as an absolutely terrible person who is always ready to crack a joke, sources reported Monday….<\/p>\n

Other acquaintances indicated that shooting blistering one-liners at any person he comes in contact with is just one of the ways in which Bower can always be counted on to ruin a good time. Longtime friend Stephen Rosenthal said that dogs, infants, films, and even inanimate objects are never safe from Bower’s hilarious assessments.<\/p>\n

“Trust me, nothing’s sacred to Alan,” Rosenthal said. “I remember one time he came to my 6-year-old son’s T-ball game, and he gave it the same type of relentless send-up that he would give to a bad movie or a Vespa scooter. There’s just no holding him back.”<\/p>\n

Added Rosenthal, “He’s really, really funny.”<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Welp, I’ve been called out appropriately. I’ll go die in a hole now.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Damn you Onion: Local resident Alan Bower’s particular brand of sardonic, no-holds-barred commentary about everything around him has firmly established the 31-year-old policy writer as an absolutely terrible person who is always ready to crack a joke, sources reported Monday…. Other acquaintances indicated that shooting blistering one-liners at any person he comes in contact with […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[259],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\nDaggered! - Prose Before Hos<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Damn you Onion: Local resident Alan Bower's particular brand of sardonic, no-holds-barred commentary about everything around him has firmly established\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.prosebeforehos.com\/alec\/06\/21\/daggered\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Daggered! - Prose Before Hos\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Damn you Onion: Local resident Alan Bower's particular brand of sardonic, no-holds-barred commentary about everything around him has firmly established\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.prosebeforehos.com\/alec\/06\/21\/daggered\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Prose Before Hos\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2009-06-21T20:21:49+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2012-12-27T01:56:01+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"alec\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@pbhnetwork\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@pbhnetwork\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"alec\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"1 minute\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.prosebeforehos.com\/alec\/06\/21\/daggered\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.prosebeforehos.com\/alec\/06\/21\/daggered\/\",\"name\":\"Daggered! 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