{"id":888,"date":"2007-03-05T18:10:53","date_gmt":"2007-03-05T23:10:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.prosebeforehos.com\/blog-roundup\/03\/05\/double-d-distractions\/"},"modified":"2012-12-26T19:01:01","modified_gmt":"2012-12-27T00:01:01","slug":"double-d-distractions","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.prosebeforehos.com\/blog-roundup\/03\/05\/double-d-distractions\/","title":{"rendered":"Double D Distractions"},"content":{"rendered":"

What a life! It’s been a few weeks since Anna Nicole Smith died, and miraculously, I’m still alive. Someone call Jesus or the mainstream media, because I am hearing far too much fuss about the ‘war’ (whatever that is) and not enough about Anna Nicole Smith. Because reporting on a blonde with a drug problem and double D’s<\/a> is far, far more courageous than reporting on a corrupt, inept administration and the war they created. I mean, come on media, can we at least get a full-frontal of the corpse? I’m masturbating to my imagination here.<\/p>\n

Which brings us to my second point, and one already made astutely by Griperblade — can’t we just buy Iraq?<\/a> Can the World Bank and IMF bum America a loan for a couple of trillion bucks and employ everyone in that Allah-forsaken country to make salsa and package Nelly Furtado<\/a> records? I mean, if I were a heathen destined for eternal fire, the least I could do is serve my Christian corporate overlord masters before they take the shiny Enron escalator to heaven!<\/p>\n

I’m not saying let’s bail out of Iraq and Afghanistan — I’m not one of those pussy ass Northeast liberals who spends their time sucking Kosher Ivy league dick and crying about why I blew that i-banker in the bathroom for a bump<\/a>. No, I’m a real American who lives his violence, as long as it’s on TV or YouTube<\/a>. I don’t need some ugly bean-eating son of a bitch turned Presidential candidate getting all weak in the knees about torturing the bad guys<\/a> or a puffhead who likes divorce almost as much as he loves homosexuality<\/a>.<\/p>\n

No, I like my America the way it is, thank you very much. I like my wars manufactured<\/a>, my God vengeful and imaginary<\/a>, my computers fruity and afeminite<\/a>, and my countries human rights abuses neglected and ignored<\/a>. Oh, and of course, my racism going around in a circle at a carnival<\/a> (seriously — what the shit??).<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

What a life! It’s been a few weeks since Anna Nicole Smith died, and miraculously, I’m still alive. Someone call Jesus or the mainstream media, because I am hearing far too much fuss about the ‘war’ (whatever that is) and not enough about Anna Nicole Smith. Because reporting on a blonde with a drug problem […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":42,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[259],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\nDouble D Distractions - Prose Before Hos<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"What a life! It's been a few weeks since Anna Nicole Smith died, and miraculously, I'm still alive. 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