You’ve done it again Onion… you always do:

Bar Owner Cannot Fucking Believe He Actually Sponsored An Adult Kickball Team

“Why? Why in hell did I think this was a good idea?” said Trimble, explaining that a bearded 27-year-old wearing skinny jeans came into his establishment last month and told him all the local bars were sponsoring kickball teams. “This guy kept bugging me, and next thing I know I’m forking over 500 bucks for T-shirts, headbands, and some idiotic striped tube socks they just had to have.”

When asked what possessed him to connect his bar to a team of college-educated adults who play kickball, a game normally enjoyed by second-graders, Trimble responded by saying that he had obviously lost his fucking mind…

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Coldplay’s Viva La Vida has been viewed 46,214,101 times on YouTube.

The last song I heard on the radio to work: Coldplay — Viva La Vida
The first song I heard on the radio after work: Coldplay — Viva La Vida

“Now–improving on Sir Thomas More, who, at an earlier stage of capitalist development, at the time when the great estates were being depopulated and turned into sheep-runs, had said that the sheep were eating the people–Marx presents us with a picture of a world in which the commodities command the human beings. These commodities have their own laws of movement, they seem to revolve in their orbits like electrons. Thus they keep the machinery moving, and they keep the people tending the machines. And the greatest of the commodities is money, because it represents all the others. Marx shows us the metal counters and the bank-notes, mere conventions for facilitating exchange, taking on the fetishistic character which is to make them appear ends in themselves, possessed of a value of their own, then acquiring a potency of their own, which seems to substitute itself for human potency. Marx had stated the whole theme in a sentence in an English speech of 1856: ‘All our invention and progress seem to result in endowing material forces with intellectual life, and in stultifying human life into a material force.’