“Why? Why in hell did I think this was a good idea?” said Trimble, explaining that a bearded 27-year-old wearing skinny jeans came into his establishment last month and told him all the local bars were sponsoring kickball teams. “This guy kept bugging me, and next thing I know I’m forking over 500 bucks for T-shirts, headbands, and some idiotic striped tube socks they just had to have.”
When asked what possessed him to connect his bar to a team of college-educated adults who play kickball, a game normally enjoyed by second-graders, Trimble responded by saying that he had obviously lost his fucking mind…
After confirming that sales of Pabst Blue Ribbon had doubled since he began sponsoring the team, Trimble confessed that the new business was coming from patrons he never wanted in his bar in the first place.
“These are people I should be beating up, not bankrolling,” Trimble said. “Now this place is turning into a total hipster nightmare.”
PS. It has long been the editorial view of the ProseBeforeHos staff that anyone who plays kickball should be immediately shot.
“Now–improving on Sir Thomas More, who, at an earlier stage of capitalist development, at the time when the great estates were being depopulated and turned into sheep-runs, had said that the sheep were eating the people–Marx presents us with a picture of a world in which the commodities command the human beings. These commodities have their own laws of movement, they seem to revolve in their orbits like electrons. Thus they keep the machinery moving, and they keep the people tending the machines. And the greatest of the commodities is money, because it represents all the others. Marx shows us the metal counters and the bank-notes, mere conventions for facilitating exchange, taking on the fetishistic character which is to make them appear ends in themselves, possessed of a value of their own, then acquiring a potency of their own, which seems to substitute itself for human potency. Marx had stated the whole theme in a sentence in an English speech of 1856: ‘All our invention and progress seem to result in endowing material forces with intellectual life, and in stultifying human life into a material force.’
… Marx’s readiness to conjure up these visions of independent and unpetitionable fetishes, which, though inanimate, usurp the rights of the living, is evidently primarily derived from this own deficiency in personal feeling, which he projected into the outside world. Like other satirists, he punished in others the faults he felt to be dangerous in himself, and it was precisely this blinded and paralyzed side of Karl Marx’s peculiar personality which has made it possible for the active and perceptive side to grasp and to explain and to excoriate, as no one else had been able to do, that negation of personal relations, of the responsibility of man to man, that abstract and half-unconscious cruelty, which had afflicted the life of the age.”
Passion Pit is an American electronic band from Cambridge, Massachusetts. Formed in 2007, the group consists of Michael Angelakos (lead vocals/keyboards), Ian Hultquist (keyboards), Ayad Al Adhamy (synth/samples), Jeff Apruzzese (bass) and Nate Donmoyer (drums). They may be from Cambridge but every little boy in Billysburg, NY dreams that they will live off of Lorimer on the L line and play their birthday party.
The band’s first full-length studio album, Manners, was released on May 18, 2009 in the UK and May 19, 2009 in the United States and Canada. I think you will like it.
I don’t know who in their right mind picked the Cavs to win the championships this year. Yes, they won 66 games in the regular season, but have you seen the players Lebron plays with? Exhibit A:
Do you see this guy? This guy looks like Sideshow Bob mated with Big Bird and plopped out a kid that couldn’t hit a layup. The Cavs play this guy for 30+ minutes a game. Repeat, 30 minutes a game. They are fucking doomed.
Also see: Ben Wallace, that tall white guy who is probably in his mid-40′s, and Wally Szczerbiak.
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