The Arabs Made Me Do It (or Race Relations 103)

I’m the travel editor here, well because I get around. And I like sex tourism, a volatile combo in anyone’s book. I’m currently en route from home, somewhere in New England, to my summer estate in the Rocky Mountains, and last night hunkered down in friendly Columbus, Ohio.

I know a little bit about Columbus from Ohio State’s massive amount of airtime during final athletic events showing off cheesy college commercials depicting black men in lab coats instead of football trousers or basketball shorts. Did anyone really figure they wore anything OTHER than lab coats and three piece suits?

Actually the good citizens of Columbus are well informed on this issue, and others surrounding the delicate matters of Race Relations in their fair town. Last night we rolled into the hotel, and were in bed watching Conan when we heard a loud crash from outside in the parking lot and our car alarm went nuts. After figuring out that the noise had come from our car, and inspecting the scene, I ascertained that there had been an attempted break-in on my vehicle, most likely to get grab the large quantity of Apple branded merch in the back. No iPhone.. yet, but a Cinema Display and a Powerbook were in abundance. (Note to self: Bring crap inside or at least put under a blanket.

Anyway, I scanned the scene and noticed two youths in long bright white t-shirts fleeing on foot. I will note that where I come from, anyone wearing oversized white t-shirts in the middle of the night is both black and up to no good, but in this case I was unable to make out the race or creed of the suspects. Anyway, I thought better of chasing them down the street because I mean what was I gonna do, so I called the police and made a report.

Fast forward an hour, when a surprisingly nice officer shows up and takes the report. I’ll qualify my commentary on his demeanor, given my other interactions with police usually end up in handcuffs. Anyway, it seems to be going well until I ask what he thinks happened. I figure it’s meth related, since that’s what’s up in middle America, but he thinks differently. He claims that black kids, like the ones I saw breaking into my car (which I neither saw in the act nor have any idea their color) are stealing the laptops and (the officer’s words) “Well… how should I put this? People of Middle Eastern descent, A-Rabs, they run computer shops around here and wipe off the hard drives and will resell them for profits.” He makes it clear that even here, in middle America, the terrorists have won. And have broken my goddamn car window.

They’re in cahoots with all the other petty crooks, drug dealers, and other scum, pulling the strings and using their global network of crime to buy suicide vests for their men and suicide burqas for their women. It’s a scary world out there, and if this isn’t definitive proof of the importance of bombing Iran, I really don’t think we’re going to find it. Especially not from the Bush admin.

PS. The reason this isn’t Race Relations 101 is because I still owe Alec a big fat mandigo post 🙁 And because to properly understand the context for this amazing undercurrent of racial tensions in today’s US, you need to understand what it’s like to see your girl taking an 11 inch black cock in the ass.