Five Reasons You Should Vote For Obama In 2012

From the country nearly defaulting to the shooting of House Representative Gabrielle Giffords, it seems like American politics can’t get any more insane than the events of 2011. Well, prepare for the crazy-gauge to get cranked up to 11 because we’re about to enter into a Presidential election year. In the previous election, we got unending shrieks about Obama’s heritage, the typical fear-mongering surrounding terrorists and homosexuality, and Sarah Palin almost made it to within a heartbeat of the presidency if American didn’t vote for Obama in 2008.

As we approach what will undoubtedly be one of the most shrill and frustrating deaths that logic and reasonable debate have faced, it makes sense to pause and reconsider exactly what we’re looking for in a presidential candidate. Republicans, demonstrating their endless ability to make perfect the enemy of good, have failed to become excited by any of the current candidates. On the other side of the aisle, liberals have been displaying quite a bit of disappointment with Hopey McImpossibleStandards Obama.

Liberals are in a slightly better position, having an inspiring, capable candidate with years of proven experience who can still totally make us cry sometimes. I can’t speak for every Democrat, centrist or disillusioned Republican, but I think Barry O deserves another 4 years, and here are the top five reasons why you should vote for Obama in 2012:

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The Five Major Accomplishments Of The Tea Party

On the bloody battlefields of World War II, soldiers would refer to a confusing, messy, and all-out hopeless situation as a “clusterfuck“. It is perhaps appropriate then that this word has become the most apt in describing modern American politics—the only difference is the House of Representatives doesn’t get as bloody as we might like it to. So it was something of a relief when the Tea Party showed up.

Regardless of one’s political affiliations, at least here was a pure, grass roots (cough) manifestation of the people’s frustration at their cynical, self-serving representatives. For a while leading up to the 2010 midterm elections, it seemed as if something akin to a third political party had finally emerged in American politics. Of course, everyone regarded this as more of a schism in the Republican Party than a legitimate uprising, but actions speak louder than Reuters’ polls, so why don’t we look at what the improbably-elected “Tea Party Candidates” have managed to accomplish.

Accomplishment Number One: Nothing. (No, Seriously).

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The Top 5 Myths About The Obama Administration

From insatiable demands to produce his birth certificate to allegations that he’s a secret Muslim, it seems like Barack Obama simply can’t catch a sanity break in the lunacy of American politics. The truth is that every president and presidential candidate always faces a slew of conspiracies and half-truths on the path to election or re-election. Going beyond its numerous scandals, the Clinton administration was dogged by allegations that they just straight up killed people. George Bush was constantly accused of secretly orchestrating 9/11 and allegations of an illegitimate black child effectively sunk John McCain’s 2000 presidential run.

Regardless of a candidate’s political views, they deserve to be judged in a place scientist like to call “reality”, instead of a region several light years away known as “Political Theater”. So let’s walk through and debunk some of the most pervasive myths about the Obama administration.

The Myth: If he had been born in Kenya, he wouldn’t be a “Natural Born Citizen” and therefore couldn’t be president.

Any sane person should be thoroughly exasperated by the Obama Birth Certificate faux-scandal. It’s embarrassing, borderline racist, and distracts us from real issues, like this week’s episode of Glee. The fact remains, however, that only natural born citizens of the United States can be President. If by some elaborate farce Obama actually was born in Kenya, he couldn’t be president. It’s very explicitly stated in the Constitution.

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10 Things Much Worse Than Same-Sex Marriage (But Are Totally Legal)

As we already proved in this handy pie chart on gay marriage, the world will not end if two people of the same sex are allowed to get married. The only thing that will happen is that some gay men and lesbians will get (gasp!) married. (Maybe some of them will also get divorces and alimony and shared child custody, eventually, but let’s look on the bright side.)

So why is same-sex marriage still not legal in 45 states while other terrible acts and laws remain legal? Here’s a list of 10 such acts or laws that, despite being a hell of a lot worse than two people getting married, remain absolutely legal.

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NFL, Unions, and the Difference Between Rich and Poor

If you haven’t heard, the American football season of ’11-’12 is probably done for. The Player’s Union and the League have both settled in for the long haul and veterans of the Vegas scene have started taking bets on the duration of the lockout ahead. Football players have started exploring other options as well, including (gross) Canadian football. Has it come to this? Proud American men trading in their stars and stripes for 3 downs and a maple leaf?

While we at PBH hope that the battle between millionaires and billionaires gets resolved in time for another disappointing Redskins season, the battle itself raises an interesting question: why does it seem like the only effective unions in America anymore are professional sports unions?

Typical Canadian football