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In one of the weirdest internet twists I can think of, the dad of delicious internet celebrity Allison Stokke is ironically a real misogynistic asshole. And no, it’s not because he keeps shutting the blinds to his daughters room when I’m about to climax:
Continuing on the tradition of brown people and where they deserve to be, apparently Sarkozy wants to get rid of 125,000 immigrants, right off the bat! I wonder if they can just stick a big needle in the banlieues and suck out all the Muslims? Then they could stick them right in Darfur, and hey, free fun! In more asinine news, McCain comes out against Net Neutrality; Says would hire Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer. Steve fucking Ballmer. Not only that, but McCain has a good case of the Ted Stevens TUBES: “McCain said he did not think government regulation of internet service providers to stop them from censoring, slowing down, or otherwise disrupting consumer’s access to the internet in order to stifle competitors or undesirable content was an appropriate solution. In fact, McCain even seemed at one point to be open to ISPs censoring consumer’s internet experience to block access to competitors’ services, saying at one point “When you control the pipe you should be able to get profit from your investment.” Hello Blog World! Another successful week of the ol’ blog-o-rehea and man, look at what it gave us! Probably the greatest conversation on PBH (a true Happy Memorial Day!) followed closely by the first installment of Ask a Shiite. Anyway, I’m proud that things didn’t descend into utter chaos and name-calling, though I have been compiling a long list of inaccurate and morally reprehensible comparisons to Communists and Nazi’s to anyone who dares disagree with me and my glass-house liberal beliefs. First stop to Byron Crawford for a modern day classic. If there’s one thing black people love, it’s condiments apparently. If you get erections from political sellouts, this week was your week to shine (with hard-ons). No sooner did the Democrats get control of the House and Senate on the anti-War, anti-Bush platform did they cave in to have their pockets lined with delicious government money. Oh boy, the sea of change:
In the hot news of the day, a statue in Denmark got a Muslim makeover. Yet you can still see the slutty little statues ankles, how very tempting and risque — I hope an otherwise religiously devout person isn’t forced to stone it! OOOOH BOOGIE MEN EVERYWHERE! It’s those damn Ay-rabs again! Can’t they all fit in Guantanamo??? In more acidic news, who loves the troops? I do, I do! Well, enough to give them a 6 dollar raise! Yesssssssss. I bet you can buy adequate body armor with that kind of dough. Then again, one can only hope that Do you just DREAM of the day when you can bail out Scooter Libby? Now you can:
Interested in an honest debate about the US involvement in Afghanistan, then head over to Civilian Casualties in Afghanistan: Germany’s Defense Minister Criticizes US Policy at the Atlantic Review. By the way, big props to my friends over there for having their article on Wolfowitz quoted in Slate. The farthest I’ve gotten is getting insulted on Gawker. Who needs civil liberties? I’ll tell you who: those damn jew media types, the liberals, the war haters, the terrorists, and the homosexuals. Basically, Communist Nazi’s who are waiting to take der jobs or der freedoms. And what freedom would I be talking about? Oh, you know, the freedom to start a falsified war against another country and then chill out in it’s nations capital without having to be answer ‘questions’ or other ‘ideas’ made up by the liberal intellectuals that want to destroy said freedoms. Do you get where I’m going? Yes, it’s the alternate dimension of sarcasm land, where all my liberal pretenses are covered by a thick layer of cynical mucus. Yes, I do have vats of the cynical mucus available for purchase. And no, it will not get rid of your blemishes or substitute for lubrication. Rudolph 9/11 Guiliani:
You want to know why the internet is cool? Because everyone’s a fucking expert. Get a domain, post some flim flam, and you are officially source material for some poor college students thesis paper. Take this rant on thelastpsychiatrist.com, leading you to believe that a legitimate psychiatrist is informing the general public with his or her BLOG. WRONG. Check out this fabulous piece, which descends into the nether regions of porn viewing, leading into grand yim yammering that concludes that the prevalence of porn and thus masturbation are leading to decreasing birth rates. Well guess what, rookie bi-yatch, the highest correlated variable for declining birth rates is EDUCATION. Specifically female education, and not the kind where there teacher penetrates them with a ruler. If you’re looking for more pontifications on subjects unknown by various anonymous electronic idiots, I suggest In one of the more hilarious blogs I’ve read in a while is a ‘4/29 Truth’ website (referring to the bridge in California that was supposedly melted and destroyed on April 29th). Check out this choice quote:
In case you’ve been living under a rock where access to blogs is minimal OR you have a real life outside of the internets (doubtful), the White House recently claimed to have lost millions of emails right before ALBERTO hit the stand at the Judiciary Committee. NeoMeme investigates other domains purchased by the Republican National Committee apart from the infamous GWB43.com (and for more background, check out Wonkette):
Do you miss the simpler days when the big news story was Ann Coulter calling John Edwards a faggot and Don Imus calling girls nappy haired hos? I do. It’s been a tumultous week and this of course is reflected in the BLOG O SPHERE. In between watching incessent repeats of the South Korean Poet Laurette go ape shit with hammers and menacing looks, there was some real news (shock!): For an interesting start, head over to Rain Coaster in an entry that details the worst school massacre in American history. Nope, it wasn’t Columbine or the Virginia tech attacks, it was a farmer in Michigan who blamed a school for high taxes (and his financial woes). His solution? Blow the school up with dynamite. One week away from computers and I feel disorganized, detached, and unsure of the world ahead. How am I supposed to know what to think and feel if I don’t have the constant stream of blog diarrhea pouring its wisdom directly into the ol’ medulla oblongata. Thankfully, I’m back and blacker than ever. It was April Fool’s day, and hopefully you noticed some ultra-disturbing images and thoughts canvasing PBH (more so than usual). The most important being, of course, Portrait of a You know what gets me excited about the 2008 Presidential election? That the leading Republican candidate, none other than John Bamboo McCain, doesn’t know that a fucking condom prevents the spread of HIV. And no, I’m not kidding:
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