Awkward: Having a lactation room right next to the office cafeteria.

Awkwarder: Emerging from said cafeteria with a jug of milk only to bump into someone exiting the the lactation room.

Awkwardest: Immediately getting a raging stiffy from the whole encounter.

Dear Reddit:

I love you. You are my sexy internet significant other. But this madness with the subreddits has got to stop before it destroys your relevance and usability.

Subreddits became a sexy solution when Reddit became overpopulated and divided among tastes and preferences (Namely the: I hate politics/Why isn’t every post about Ruby on Rails community). But the sexiness quickly died down because subreddits became so dichotomous — where the hell are you supposed to put up content that is funny, a picture, and a WTF? You can’t cross post to three subreddits, and you’re likely to get your posted deleted if it has anything political injected into the post. A lot of content has no home on the current Reddit set-up, which is both frustrating and debilitating to someone new to the community.

I don’t know much about art, but this girl is creating it (via hipster ejaculate):

It was also around November that a guy named Troy was at Union Pool, the Williamsburg bar, when the bartender passed him a note from another customer. It read, “I want to give you a hand job with my mouth,” and was signed “Korean Abdul-Jabbar.” It was, according to Troy, from Ms. Ferrell. Another time, a patron at Fabiane’s, the café on Bedford Avenue in Williamsburg, said Ms. Ferrell passed him a note which read: “I want you to throw a hot dog down my hall.

Basically, this girl has combined all of my joys into her own life, including:

1) Grifting

My self-summary

I am lurking in the shadows of the Internet, silently stalking you as you glide motionless from page to page. Every binary footprint you leave behind I place gently and securely into my electronic scrapbook, kept safely next to my facebook in a keepsake chest next to the love poems I wrote you but never sent. I stare for hours into photos of your eyes wondering if you ever think about me, thinking about you. I’m sorry I could never love you like a real man. All I can do is dream tenderly these night time dreams of happiness with you, my once and future cyberlove.

What I’m doing with my life