They Might Teach Them Contemporary Fashions!

“We’re supposed to love everybody and accept people, and preach against the sins. I’ve had some friends that are actually homosexual. And, I mean, they know where I stand, and they know that I wouldn’t have them anywhere near my children.”

— Joe the Plumber, on what it means to be a compassionate conservative

[tags]joe the plumber, compassionate Conservative, compassionate conservatism, christian values, the bible, homosexuals, gays, queers, quote[/tags]

Mule Sex, Secession, Watermelon Fucking… All In A Days Work

What.The.Fuck. I think the seccesionist movement has found their captain, a Mr. Neal Horsley from Georgia, who among other unique life experiences, has spent his life making love to various animals and inanimate objects

No, seriously — Georgia candidate for governor says sex with mules, watermelon behind him:

NH: “Absolutely. I was a fool. When you grow up on a farm in Georgia, your first girlfriend is a mule.”

AC: “I’m not so sure that that is so.”

NH: “You didn’t grow up on a farm in Georgia, did you?”

AC: “Are you suggesting that everybody who grows up on a farm in Georgia has a mule as a girlfriend?”

NH: It has historically been the case. You people are so far removed from the reality… Welcome to domestic life on the farm…”

With the coup de grace:

“You experiment with anything that moves when you are growing up sexually. You’re naive. You know better than that… If it’s warm and it’s damp and it vibrates you might in fact have sex with it.”

Strike that, this just gets worse and more disturbing:

“We’re talking about the mule now?”

Yes, he says. The mule.

“A small mule?” I ask.

“No, a full grown mule,” he says. “She loved me, though.”

We both laugh, but I’m still trying to figure out the logistics. How big is this thing? The size of a horse, he says.

“All I had to do was give her an ear of corn.” He laughs again. “She was a [prostitute] mule.”

“How did you reach?”

“I don’t know… I stood on something. The kicker is, as soon as I was done she pissed all over me. It was embarrassing. I never told anyone that before.”

……………………………….

Not only that, but Horsley has had sex with men. He was in the Air Force, it was a cold night, yadda, yadda, yadda, he had sex with him, ahem, the way he did the mule. “It was gross,” he says.

Really? He hadn’t described the mule that way.

“I’ve [screwed] a watermelon,” he says. And that’s just for starters. He’s had sex with just about everything it’s physically possible to have sex with, and some that isn’t. “How many times have I masturbated in my life?” he asks. Now he’s 65 and orgasm-free for two years (his wife finally divorced him — too much “drama”, she said). “The bottom line is, I never treated it as if it were not a sin.”

Good thing that Mule didn’t get pregnant.

See Also: Humping Horses, Killing Kids-the Righteous Ways of Neal Horsley, Georgia Gubernatorial Candidate Runs On Anti-Abortion Platform, But Mule Gets In The Way, and Pillars of Faith: Neal Horsley, Horse’s Ass in More Ways Than One.

[tags]mule sex, donkey sex, georgia secessionist party, watermelon sex, what the fuck, Neal Horsley, Georgia Creator’s Rights Party, growing up on a farm, bestiality, gay, homosexual, fucking weird, fucking weird things, where the fuck does this guy from and why does he have sex with everything[/tags]

Marx On Choosing A Profession

“In the August of 1835, a young German-Jewish boy, a student at the Friedrich-Wilhelm Gymnasium at Trier on the Moselle, composed a theme for his final examination. It was called Reflections of a Young Man on Choosing a Profession, and it was radiant with those lofty ideals which are in order on such occasions and which in the present case have attracted attention only for the reason that the aspiring young man managed to live up to his aspirations. In choosing a profession, said Karl Marx at seventeen, one must be sure that one will not put oneself in the position of acting merely as a servile tool of others: in one’s own sphere one must obtain independence; and one must make sure that one has a field to serve humanity–for though one may otherwise become famous as a scholar or a poet, one can never be a really great man. We shall never be able to fulfill ourselves truly unless we are working for the welfare of our fellows: then only shall our burdens not break us, then only shall our satisfactions not be confined to poor egoistic joys. And so we must be on guard against ourselves to fall victims to that most dangerous of all temptations: the fascination of abstract thought.”

— Edmund Wilson in To The Finland Station [Ergo: Exhibit A]

You Got AIPAC’s Dick In Yo’ Mouth

“I never had any idea that my government was wiretapping me at all… this abuse of power is outrageous and I call on your department to release all transcripts and other investigative material involving me in an unredacted form.”

– Jane Harman on being caught selling her soul to Israel

[PBH Translation: It is outrageous I got caught via legal wiretap selling out my country to Israel!]

See Also: Harman: “I didn’t need to cut some deal with AIPAC.”, Can Jane Harman Hear Herself?, Harman: Alleged wiretap an ‘abuse of power’, Harman/AIPAC Connection Is Not New, Are Members of Congress (and Maybe Even the President) Being Blackmailed?, Interview with Representative Jane Harman (D-Cal.), Harman, AIPAC, and Leaks, and The Lobby is at it again.

[tags]jane harman, jane harmen, wire-tapping, wiretap, israel, aipac, isreal, israeli spy, mossad, aipac, american israeli political action committee, spies, traitors, israel-first policy, democratic representative[/tags]

Der Socialists Took Der Jobs!!!

Get your pitchforks out, yey ignorant country-folk, for the socialists ‘er coming!!!:

But Representative Spencer Bachus (R-Ala.) said he is worried that he is being steered too far by the Congress: “Some of the men and women I work with in Congress are socialists.”

Asked to clarify his comments after the breakfast speech at the Trussville Civic Center, Bachus said 17 members of the U.S. House are socialists.

See Also: Seventeen Socialists Discovered in Congress!, All The Socialists In The House Throw Your Hands Up, Joe McCarthy’s Party Is Alive, Conservatives warn of social-fasc-
commun-Nazi-McCarthy-Marxism, and American Socialists Come Out of the Closet.

[tags]socialists, communist, witchhunt, witch-hunt, congress, spencer bachus, spencer backus, republican, conservative, republican representative spencer bachus, us congress, 17 socialists, seventeen socialists, united states congress[/tags]