1. Find a polarizing figure to piggyback on.
This is the way to get started: find that certain intransigent someone that either side vehemently dislikes (Rush Limbaugh, Michelle Malkin, Al Franken for starters) and monitor them on a daily basis. Embellish, exaggerate, and lie if necessary. Flippant comparisons to the worst dictators in the world are not only helpful but necessary. Remember, every action by an undesirable political figure is as bad as Hitler killing 8 million Jews.
2. Enter in vitriolic name calling disputes with other blogs who disagree with you.
Nothing espouses progress better than two humans getting into an online shouting match about the current state of affairs. Don’t forget to mention that you once hooked up with Dennis Kucinich’s daughter for moral superiority. You will be heralded for courage in challenging others’ anonymous opinions and setting the bar for successful and tasteful discourse. Or you’ll at least get a handful of traffic from innocent bystanders who want to watch the flame show.
3. Criticize the establishment.
You know what I hate? Corruption. You know what I really, really hate? Politicians. You know what I really, really, really hate? The Media. Tackle any of these routine issues and you are sure to be a blog allstar. And if you need extra help, follow the timeless Simpsons model:
DJ 3000: Those clowns in congress did it again. What a bunch of clowns.
Bill: [laughs] How does it keep up with the news like that?”
4. Hijack others thoughts
Don’t you wish you could be that prolific writer you’ve always dreamed of or that muckracker who dug deep into the crevices of established society to reveal the truth about blah blah blah? Now you can be — with plagiarism! Simply find a well-known commentators blog, copy and paste their articles, and voila, you’re a prominent political blogger on a major news network!
5. Create a cult of personality with nonsensical rants and apparent hypocrisy
If there’s one thing the political and academic world needs more of, it’s the poorly thought out ideas of Everyday Joe. There are apparently over 100 million blogs now, and how many of these feature the rudimentary musings in an endless echo chamber? If you answered ‘not enough’, you’re correct! The world is always looking for another self-righteous bobblehead who spews caustic temper tantrums at anybody who dares to criticize them!
There you have it, if you follow my success story, you’ll quickly be on transformed from bumbling quotidian homosapien to a clairvoyant political priest!