laffy taffy – n. 1. Bottom, buttox, butt, or ass. (Made famous by D4l in the song ‘shake that laffy taffy’.
2. An addictively delicious taffy made by the Willy Wonka Candy Factory. It is distributed by Nestle USA, Inc. Contains jokes on every wrapper.
Joke: How many sides does a circle have?
Two, inside and outside.
If you saw the Daily Show in mid-October, there was an interview with Bill O’Reilly, on the show to promote his book ‘The Factor’, for kids. Bill was very defensive and aggressive, more so then usual on his Fox box. The funniest moment occured when the audience began clapping when O’Reilly said he was thinking about retiring. O’Reilly proceeded to tell them to stop being French. Here is the video.
This comes after O’Reilly slammed Daily Show watchers as ‘pothead slackers. The interesting twist? The viewers of the Factor are stupider and poorer than viewers of the Daily Show. Oops.
Here is the data from Nielsen Media Research about the two shows:
* The median age of “The Daily Show with Jon Stewart” 11:00 p.m. (premiere) airing is 35, while its median income is $67,000.
* The median age of “The O’Reilly Factor” 8:00 p.m. (premiere) airing is 63, while its median income is $54,000.
* Viewers of “The Daily Show” are 78% more likely than the average adult to have four or more years of college education.
* Viewers of “The O’Reilly Factor” are only 24% more likely than the average adult to have four or more years of college education.
* Viewers of “The Daily Show” are 42% more likely than the average adult to have a household income of $75,000+.
* Viewers of “The O’Reilly Factor” are only 6% more likely the average adult to have a household income of $75,000+.
* Viewers of “The Daily Show” are 26% more likely than the average adult to have a household income of $100,000+.
* Viewers of “The O’Reilly Factor” are only 11% more likely than the average adult to have a household income of $100,000+.
* Viewers of “The Daily Show” are 74% more likely than the average adult to have a household income of $75,000+ and an occupation of “professional, owner or manager.”
* Viewers of “The O’Reilly Factor” are 15% less likely than the average adult to have a household income of $75,000+ and an occupation of “professional, owner or manager.”
* Viewers of “The Daily Show” are 37% more likely than the average adult to be in a “white collar” profession.
* Viewers of “The O’Reilly Factor” are 15% less likely the average adult to be in a “white collar” profession.
Oh, and also, Bill O’Reilly likes coercive phone sex.
malfeasance – n. Misconduct or wrongdoing, especially by a public official.
Who are we? We are what society wants us to be. We blame it on our childhood or we say that we pulled our shit together and made something of our lives. Everyone does it, even silver spoon babies will say they had it hard. Everyone has it hard, not enough money, no love, no structure, single parent, and orphan, whatever. All people have had hardships. Stop fucking crying, no one cares. No one is special. We are all products of lust, love, rape, anything we are a product of it. Call it what you want, its all bullshit. Why should I give a shit about someone who claims their life was fucked up because their mommy didn’t tit feed them. Or boo fucking hoo daddy play grab ass with you. It sucks, life its shit, but pick up the fucking cards your were dealt and play them. Don’t bitch out, don’t fucking fold, raise the stakes, push what you’re worth all fucking in.
“Our lives are trading cards. We start young as rookies and schools bid for us. We send out mini résumés about ourselves. Trying to get schools interested in us. It’s like the draft we put our best foot forward and then the schools decide who is best for their program. So the school picks and holds your card until its time to trade. Its starts young and never stops. High school, college, companies, and the list grows the older you get.” By. Me.
It’s strange isn’t it? Our whole lives we strive to be perfect, don’t we? But what is perfection, can anyone really define it? Is it a tone body, a six figure income, or a house with a white picket fence? No, that’s not it me. Perfection is different from person to person. Each life is a blank page its up to you what your page contains. Is your life, your page, fiction a string of lies? Is it drama, stories of jealousy and envy? What makes you tick? What defines you? Who are we? Is the person you see in the mirror really who you are? Or, is that face just an empty shell? Is that face what everyone wants to see? Are you acting, are you being what everyone wants? Have you lost who you really are? Think about that, next time you look in the mirror. Look at yourself and ask yourself one question, “Am I who I am”?
