Congratulations to the winner of the first ever Prose Before Hos Award for Valor in the Face of Courage, Greg StiflyStiferson. Let us recount the story of Greg’s story before we lubricate his body with praise and store-brand massage oil.
It was a fine Spring day working as an Americorp volunteer as Greg trudged through hours of thankless work in post-Katrina New Orleans. As a white European colonizer in this foreign land, Greg expected booty and treasure, including but not limited to access to local colored women and raiding the medicine cabinets of abandoned houses.
But alas, he was wrong, as his politically correct overlords demanded he respect local customs and transform the once majestic city into a chocolate utopia. Finally, he decided to speak up against his oppression in what truly became an act of dignity and courage.
While painting a barn that would later serve as a halfway house for Sudanese war criminals, Greg became splattered with red paint. In a triumphant political move, Greg announced to the group ‘Look at me! I’m like an abortion doctor!’
With that act, he had risen against his liberal oppressors, an act which was quickly met with public reprimand and an order to complete a ten page paper on women’s rights. This award is for you, Stifly McGreg, a true public servant and hero from all of us at Prose Before Hos:
For your hard work and decency, we have donated 10 live chickens and 50 yards of barbed wire to a Chinese sweatshop. Thank you, dear sir, you are a hero to all of us (and everyone at the Nike factory).