As our self-designated D1-basketball correspondent, I thought it was important to throw up a link to the latest news coming out of Pattee Library, Penn State.
Nittany Lion bball player Stanley Pringle (above) was apparently reported for allegedly masturbating in the library while trying to chat it up with a Penn State coed. When interrogated about the incident, he casually replied, “Why would I need to masturbate? This is how I chill, ma’am.” Like many men, including myself, he claims that he has “a bad habit of putting his hand down his pants,” and demonstrated for the officer by placing his hand down the front of his sweatpants, according to the complaint. To be fair, at least he was at the library.
 Quiet Revolution |  Mark Penn is a Fucking Prick and Other Relevant News |  Hello Bebop | Thomas Friedman, Freedom Thinker |
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OMG, hillarious and true! I’ve known many college football and basketball players at college who actually do, occasionally, ‘chill’ in that fashion. It’s a little unnerving at first, to say the least, especially the closer the proximity. However, like other cultural idiosyncrasies that grow toward normalcy, so this is the case. Note to any who practice this behavior and similarly acknowledge it as a bad habit: If you didn’t wear sweatpants all the time this wouldn’t so easily become habitual. Sure sweatpants are convenient, and comfortable, but would you be ‘chillen’ with yourself in public if you had jeans or or cargo shorts to break into?