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News To Make You Blue, Christmas Edition

Saint Nick Is A Pervert Too

Saint Nick Just Wants To Watch

Did you know there is an anti-Santa Claus? His name is Krampus, a mythical creature who accompanies Saint Nicholas in various regions of the world during the Christmas season. Krampus acts as an anti–Saint Nicholas, who instead of giving gifts to good children, gives warnings and punishments to the bad children. To the surprise of few, Krampus also loves to visit the homes of well-endowed young females to dole out attentive punishments, as evidenced by the photos below:

Krampus has got a very, very large tongue

Traditionally, young men dress up as the Krampus in the first two weeks of December, particularly in the evening of December 5, and roam the streets frightening children and women with rusty chains and bells. In some rural areas the tradition also includes birching by Krampus, especially of young females.

Anti-Santa Claus is also a sexual deviant

Originally on PBH3: Bizarro Santa Is Angry And Loves Spanking Young Women

See Also: Krampus!, ArtOrder: Krampus, Holiday Horrors: KRAMPUS!, Krampustime is here, Krampus, and 9 Holiday Characters From Around the World.

[tags]santa claus, anti-santa claus, krampus, birching, spanking, evil, picture, anti-saint nick, saint nicholas, christmas, christmas eve, christmas gifts, pics, photos, illustrations, drawings, funny[/tags]

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The 6 Strangest Products On Amazon

What do 1500 live lady bugs, a therapy book centered on clinching your butt, and a land tank all have in common? You can buy all of them at Amazon! And so I present to you, the top 6 strangest products on Amazon:

6. The Boozeberry

Are you a lowlife drunk that wants to maintain the air of social conformity and success? Then the Boozeberry is for you: a flask shaped like a Blackberry that holds 2 ounces of booze (or if you’re like me, booze and bleach). You can chug from this thing all day long and people around you will merely think “Wow, what an enterprising young man, he can literally suck out the productive business juice from a Blackberry!”

The Boozeberry In Action

I'll tell you when I've had enough!!!!

Perfect For: The recently laid off investment banker, who, no longer able to afford cocaine due to a newly-acquired internet bingo dependency, has turned to Aristocrat vodka for his 11 AM wake-me-up.

5. 1500 Lady Bugs

How 1500 Ladybugs live through a couple of days of being shipped around the country beats me. And who exactly needs 1500 Ladybugs?

Perfect for: The next door neighbor who has the too-perfect garden.

4. How to Good-bye Depression: If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way?

With such chapters as “Do 3-week fasting, save sex energy and rotate vortex” and “Erase your bad stickiness and multiply various good feeling”, you know this book was written by a professional. Truthfully, I can’t tell if the author or the translator is at fault, but my sex vortex continues to be unrotated. But don’t take it from me, read the happy fun time description on the back cover:

I think constricting anus 100 times and denting navel 100 times in succession everyday is effective to good-bye depression and take back youth. You can do so at a boring meeting or in a subway. I have known 70-year-old man who has practiced it for 20 years. As a result, he has good complexion and has grown 20 years younger. His eyes sparkle. He is full of vigor, happiness and joy. He has neither complained nor born a grudge under any circumstance. Furthermore, he can make love three times in succession without drawing out.

You read right: 3 times in succession without drawing out. The writer, Hiroyuki Nishigaki, also seems to have a monopoly on awful author pictures:

Worst Author Photo Ever

Constricting Anus At The Speed Of Light

Perfect For: Anyone who smokes too much weed or seeks out homeopathic solutions to their crippling mental issues. One of your Aunts probably fits into both of these categories.

3. Fresh Whole Rabbit

Do you like nutty tasty meats that are less fatty than chicken? Then get a whole rabbit carcass shipped to your house, courtesy of Amazon. At least the customers have a sense of humor about this sort of thing:

Shh... I'm sleeping!

The rabbit is just sleeping... upside down... and inside out.

Baby Rabbits Are Cute And Potentially Delicious

One Day, You Will Be A Delicious Pie

Perfect For: Any aspiring PETA supporters or a dog-owner that doesn’t mind feeding the dessicated viscera of a leftover rabbit to their canines.

2. Solid Gold S.E.P. (Stop Eating Poop)

Are you tired of watching your dog make dinner out of his doo-doo? Then the Solid Gold S.E.P. is for you! It contains nutrients and spices that will apparently prevent your dog from being attracted to his own poop.

Dog Eats Poop

Mmm, I'll Take Seconds!

Perfect For: Anyone who you bought the fresh whole rabbit for and whose dog is going to go in for seconds. Poop-eating prevention may be a good idea for any particularly curious 4 year olds as well.

1. JL421 Badonkadonk Land Cruiser/Tank

I’ll let this bad boy speak for itself:

The JL421 Badonkadonk is a completely unique, extremely rare land vehicle and battle tank. Designed with versatility in mind, the Donk can transport cargo or a crew of five internally or on the roof, and can be piloted from within the armored shell or from an exposed standing position through the hatch, thanks to special one-way steel mesh armor windows and a control stick that pivots up and down to allow piloting from the standing or seated positions.

Yes, you read that right. You can buy a freakin’ tank on Amazon. It goes 40 miles per hour, comes with a public announcement system, and a 400 watt sound system. I’m just waiting for the day when they come out with a Bang Bus rip-off featuring this land tank.

Badonkadonk Land Tank

They Be Hatin'

Perfect For: When you take your next vacation in Fallujah or the Afghan/Pakistani border and a body suit made entirely of kevlar isn’t quite enough protection. Also good for when promoting a cult, as the PA system combined with the alien design form will allow even the most disconnected of zealots to successfully promote their beliefs (I’m looking at you, Scientology!).]

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[tags]6 strangest products on amazon, 6 weirdest products on amazon, strange items, weird items, badonkadonk tank, land tank, dog poop-eating, 1500 ladybugs, How to Good-bye Depression: If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way?, boozeberry, blackberry, blackberry flask, funny items, funny gifts, amazon.com, amazon, whole rabbit, rabbit carcass[/tags]

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