Atheists: Get off of our country!

I received an anonymous tip from an acquaintance living on the Kenai Peninsula, Alaska in the form of the above clipping from the Kenai Peninsula Clarion, the region’s daily rag. I’ve done a little research into the area, and other than the occasional moose attack (which makes the front page of the news) it seems like a normal sort of area.

Which makes me wonder which of the local heavy metal bands has taken the newspaper hostage. Not only have they printed one of the most misguided and inflammatory letters I’ve ever seen regarding the role of religion in our county, but they’ve omitted any sort of hints of what lies beyond in the title. I almost expect to see the word strong in italics or quotes. Reader voices “strong” opinion on atheists? It was probably Korupture or Tainted Sanity.

I understand this actually did garner some response letters for which I was too lazy to register to the Peninsula Clarion’s website to read, but the fact that this sort of hate-speech made it into the printed edition boggles the mind. There’s a reason radio stations have dump buttons (for people like Don Imus), but newspapers are different-. It’s as if the editor made up a likely sounding name from the remote town of Soldotna to further his twisted religious agenda.

It seems everyone here has dropped to the same level of intelligence, since the second letter seems to want to keep on fishing until all the ….. ? Till all the fish are gone?? Sounds like a wonderful plan. Because Jesus was a fisherman, right?

Full text of the letter:

“It’s time to stomp out atheists in America. The majority of Americans would love to see atheists kicked out of America. If you don’t believe in God, then get out of this country.

The United States is based on having freedom of religion, speech, etc., which means you can believe in God any way you want (Baptist, Catholic, Methodist, etc.), but you must believe.

I don’t recall freedom of religion meaning no religion. Our currency even says “In God We Trust.” So, to all the atheists in America: Get off of our country.

Atheists have caused ruin of this great nation by taking prayer out of our schools and being able to practice what can only be called evil. I don’t care if they have never committed a crime, atheists are the reason crime is rampant.”

The Top 5 Tips to Becoming a Political Blog Maven

1. Find a polarizing figure to piggyback on.

This is the way to get started: find that certain intransigent someone that either side vehemently dislikes (Rush Limbaugh, Michelle Malkin, Al Franken for starters) and monitor them on a daily basis. Embellish, exaggerate, and lie if necessary. Flippant comparisons to the worst dictators in the world are not only helpful but necessary. Remember, every action by an undesirable political figure is as bad as Hitler killing 8 million Jews.

2. Enter in vitriolic name calling disputes with other blogs who disagree with you.

Nothing espouses progress better than two humans getting into an online shouting match about the current state of affairs. Don’t forget to mention that you once hooked up with Dennis Kucinich’s daughter for moral superiority. You will be heralded for courage in challenging others’ anonymous opinions and setting the bar for successful and tasteful discourse. Or you’ll at least get a handful of traffic from innocent bystanders who want to watch the flame show.

3. Criticize the establishment.

You know what I hate? Corruption. You know what I really, really hate? Politicians. You know what I really, really, really hate? The Media. Tackle any of these routine issues and you are sure to be a blog allstar. And if you need extra help, follow the timeless Simpsons model:

DJ 3000: Those clowns in congress did it again. What a bunch of clowns.
Bill: [laughs] How does it keep up with the news like that?”

4. Hijack others thoughts

Don’t you wish you could be that prolific writer you’ve always dreamed of or that muckracker who dug deep into the crevices of established society to reveal the truth about blah blah blah? Now you can be — with plagiarism! Simply find a well-known commentators blog, copy and paste their articles, and voila, you’re a prominent political blogger on a major news network!

5. Create a cult of personality with nonsensical rants and apparent hypocrisy

If there’s one thing the political and academic world needs more of, it’s the poorly thought out ideas of Everyday Joe. There are apparently over 100 million blogs now, and how many of these feature the rudimentary musings in an endless echo chamber? If you answered ‘not enough’, you’re correct! The world is always looking for another self-righteous bobblehead who spews caustic temper tantrums at anybody who dares to criticize them!

There you have it, if you follow my success story, you’ll quickly be on transformed from bumbling quotidian homosapien to a clairvoyant political priest!

On ProBloggers’ Top 5 Group Writing Project.

Rankin

The artist of the day is Rankin

Rankin is a photographer, publisher, and most recently a film director. He launched the magazine Dazed and Confused in the 90′s with business partner Jefferson Hack.

‘I wouldn’t want there to be another me. I’ve been a bit of a nightmare in my life’
From interview

The Top 10 PBH Posts

It’s official: PBH is well over 1000 posts! And to celebrate, here is the Top 10 PBH Posts for all you Prose Before Hos newcomers and veterans alike (click here for the top 10 of the first 400 posts).

1. The definitive and most popular PBH entry to this day — Hurry up and Kill Yourself For 10 Emo Points — Anonymous Banker examines an amazing local news report on the problem of ‘emo’ (short for emotions, the investigative report tells us), concluding with the use of a sarcastic, humorous online quiz about how emo you are with a point system based on self-mutilation and how many sweaters one owns.

2. A few days after the Virginia Tech shootings, it became clear that the media was going to make a cult celebrity out of the shooter, rather than focus on the victims or other significant events in the world. The two posts that came of this — 33 Dead Americans is a Tragedy, 33 Dead Iraqi’s is a Statistic, and 1 Crazy Gunman is a Tragedy, 200 Dead Iraqi’s is a Statistic — were followed enough to spawn a Facebook group.

3. Ever hated Americans, even if you are one? Then you’ve come to the right place. Even though these posts haven’t become the most popular, they’re a personal favorite of mine. Check out Thoughts of the Average American, Part 1 and Part 2, followed by Soliloquy from Anonymous Middle American.

4. The infamous Travel to the Land of Sheep, which landed us on local radio for an expose in Part one on a Christian rap remix of Baby Got Back (cleverly entitled Baby got Bible). Parts two and three and worthwhile but not nearly as wonderful as Part 1.

5. Continuing on the theme of those cwazy Christians, Peanut Butter, The Atheists Nightmare, is a video produced that thought to dispel Evolution. How, you may ask? Well, by showing that since peanut butter doesn’t evolve, evolution doesn’t exist! I mean, how stupid can you be not to see that?

6. Of course, talking about Christians without talking about their shepherds wouldn’t be fun. Enter Rush Limbaugh, the perpetual foot in mouth fatso who somehow outlived Imus on the airwaves. In Rush the Magic Racist, the unending chronicles of Rush’s perpetual racism are exhibited, including his latest ‘gaffe’, a song called ‘Obama the Magic Negro’.

7. Loose Post 911 Lips: Donald Rumsfeld says in discussing 9/11 that the plane was ‘shot down’ in Pennsylvania. Oops.

8. What is PBH and the consequential mandatory argument with anonymous internet liberal vampires. For years, people have wondered, what is PBH, and why is it so god damn great? But still others wonder, why do you hate women? Well, we don’t necessarily HATE women, we just find it amusing when they get hit in the butt with newspapers by superhero’s. Read Kit’s and Alec’s interpretation of PBH, and read the insuing BLOG MELEE.

9. One of the better serious writings on PBH since the 400 post mark, Filling the Void: Saudi Diplomacy in a Realigned Middle East evaluates the new role of Saudi Arabia in the wake of the Mecca agreements, increased Sunni/Shiite violence in Iraq, and the rise of Iran as a regional power.

10. My definitive prank in high school: I tore down a Valentine’s Day poster in front of a lunch room of 1000 plus and was lucky enough to capture it on video.

Thoughts of the Average American

“The violent deaths of untold thousands of anonymous brown people disturbs me, but I have a televised sing and dance competition to watch.”

“The role of ideologically-driven shadow groups dictating public policy does not bother me”

“That non-threatening colored person running for public office has a nice smile, but I will surely never vote for him.”

“All of this talk of fraud and abuse of power makes me uncomfortable. I need more sexual predators to direct my hate and anger towards.”

“Ever since 9/11 occurred roughly 1500 miles from my place of residence, the idea of people with different skin pigmentation makes me nervous.”

“I believe the national politician when he says the easiest way to combat terrorism is by bombing poverty-stricken civilians in a far away place.”

“Homosexuals and science belong in California and Massachusetts.”

“The invisible outer space superhero of my monotheistic belief system is the best.”

“A life of willful ignorance of my government’s indiscretions is the life for me.”

“An extra-marital affair between two consenting adults is a more impeachable offense than falsifying intelligence to create a regional conflict.”

“When it comes to rational and intelligent discourse, I look to the two screaming people on the national news program.”

“I blame untold millions of foreigners for a stagnant economy and unemployment, rather than an underfunded education system and the mass exodus of multinational corporations from American soil, facilitated by mass funding and corruption of the political system.”

“I don’t care how much it makes sense for my family, I do not want universal health care.”

“A long life of monotonous work has been quickly placated by the commercial with melodramatic music featuring fictional characters I’ve learned to experience my life through.”

“Surely the only way to inform people weary of our global ambitions of our good intentions is by branding their religion as violent and backwards and trampling on their culture as much as possible.”

“I am glad there is finally a fair and balanced media outlet that will pro-actively reinforce my judgments and stereotypes.”

“The discomfort and cognitive dissonance I live with in this country is easily washed down with water mixed with high fructose corn syrup and genetically modified food.”